Hijacked

Fall of an Empire

I've been avoiding Peeta for a week now. Mostly so I can recover and partly because I don't know what to say to him. I don't know if I love him. I'm not even sure I know what love is. But I felt an awful tearing in my chest watching Prim die. Prim, a girl I've watched grow up since birth. Prim, one of the closest things I had to a younger sister. Prim, who had a future, a life, ambitions. Katniss and I watched everything she had get ripped away all at once. Sometimes when I think about it, I can't breathe. I think that's love.

My body aches all the time now and it's not because I'm pregnant. I want to cry or get angry and express myself but when I see Katniss, I can never pick the right emotion. Should we cry over it? Blame Snow? Ourselves? The war? I'm too tired to try to think through everything. I just want to be at peace finally.

Coin has granted Peeta and I permission to see Snow. We worked it out in quiet conversation in some hallway in Snow's mansion. I wanted to talk to him before he was executed and I asked Peeta to come with me. I wasn't brave enough to go alone and he sensed that and agreed.

Coin was more than happy to let us talk to him. Snow was defeated, what more could he do? What could he tell us that would make any difference? We would have ten minutes with him and that was more than enough time to say our bit. I'm sure Peeta had a lot to say about everything. I only wanted to ask one question though; why? Why kill his people at the gate? Why not surrender sooner? Why couldn't he just let us be free?

----

I picked at my gloves nervously as I waited for Peeta. He was running a bit behind. I chewed on my bottom lip as I looked out across Snow's large backyard at his greenhouse. That's where he was sitting. It's where he asked to be held. It was a good a place as any to hold him until execution date. "Sorry, I'm here." Peeta said, striding towards me. I glanced at him nervously. "Ready?"

"No." I murmured, pushing open the door. We walked down the steps and across the snow covered yard. Thee had been a light snowfall the night before and the flakes were still here. Everything was bitterly white and cold this morning. The guards at the greenhouse entrance opened the door for us and promptly shut it behind. The stark contrast of coming from a winter wonderland to a tropical forest of sorts baffled me.

"This way." Peeta said softly. I followed him down the path towards the President. We found him in a red suit, sitting on a bench among some flowers. It was so clam and peaceful that it felt awkward.

"Ah, Mr. Mellark, Ms. Melane come and sit, please." He smiled at us but neither Peeta nor I moved to sit at the bench across from him. "Understandable." He shrugged. "What can I do for the two of you?"

"I want to know why you did it." I blurt out suddenly, stepping forward.

"Why I did what Catora?" I know he's not trying patronize me, he's just asking for clarification but I don't want to say it. I've been avoiding the memory. Saying it out loud would make it real.

"Why did you set off those parachutes on your own people." Peeta takes my hand. "Why set it off again on those medics. You killed.. Prim she..." I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. Peeta pulls me into his chest and while it's comforting I don't know what else to do. I feel numb all over.

"So unnecessary, so wasteful." Snow speaks up. "All that bloodshed, that wasn't my doing." I lift my head, rage bubbling inside of me. He's going to deny all of what I had seen? That was a Capitol issued hovercraft. The ones from 13 look different, have their own symbol. It had to be him. "Everyone could tell that the game was over by then." Peeta breathes in sharply. "I was just about to issue an official order of surrender before your new President dropped those bombs." Coin? Is he talking about Coin.