Hijacked

Hatred

I'm shoved back into my cage. I stumble and nearly fall but catch myself on the bars. I feel like throwing up but there's nothing in my stomach to upchuck. "Catora! What happened? Are you alright?" Someone is shouting at me but my ears are ringing and I can barely register the voice. I'm shaking my head, holding back the bile that wants to force itself up my throat.

"You've been gone nearly twenty-four hours. Are you okay?" I'm pretty sure that's Mack but I don't want to look at them. I don't want to look at any of them. I just want to stop breathing. I want to stop feeling. I want everything to stop. My head is spinning so I sit down and put my head between my knees. My friends stop trying to talk to me, probably figuring that I need a couple of minutes.

I try to close my eyes but every time I do all I see is Rue, beaten and bloodied. I can't believe I killed her. She was so sweet, pure, innocent. She reminded me of Prim. I essentially killed Prim. Without meaning to, I begin to cry. Chocking sobs escaping me. Nobody offers words of comfort because they don't know what's wrong. But I do. There's something wrong with me.

I could I kill a girl of barley thirteen years old? What kind of monster had I turned into in the games? How had I become like this? How could I justify myself? Why weren't people afraid of me? I was a ruthless killer. I murdered an innocent little girl. You have to be truly messed up in the head to do that. And I was. I had simply gone insane.

When I had finally stopped crying, I stayed curled up, my head in my knees. I was staring down at my sock-less feet. I never noticed how tiny my feet were. I focused on my breathing as I scratched my arm. It itched for some reason. "Catora don't scratch that." Mack said, startling me. Uncurling I turned my head to look at him. He was sitting in his cage staring at me.

"Scratch what?" My voice came out in a hoarse whisper.

"You arm. You'll draw blood if you scratch the puncture wound."

"Puncture wound." I repeated. There was no puncture wound on my arm. Why would there be?

"What did they turn bad for you?" That was Johanna. This was the first time she had said anything since I had been back. I glanced over at her confused.

"Turn bad?" I repeated. Johanna rolled her eyes.

"Yes Girl on Fire are you dense now? Wake up!" She shouted rattling the bars of her cage.

"They didn't do anything to me." I murmured. "Except show me who I truly am." Nobody said anything for a bit.

"What did they show you Catora?" Mack asked.

"Rue.." I whispered. "I'm a monster. I killed her. I killed a young girl." My eyes began to water again at the thought of her small body covered in blood. God it was everywhere. It was on my hands, my clothes. I shuddered.

"Rue? You didn't kill her Catora. You made her last moments peaceful. She was your ally, your friend." Annie said softly. I shook my head no vigorously. No that couldn't be. Why were they trying to make me feel better? They should be screaming obscenities at me. I killed her. I killed Rue. I was a monster.

"Listen to Annie, Catora you didn't kill Rue you were her friend."

"No, no, no." I moaned to Mack's reply. "Why are you doing this? You're only making it worse." I whispered, pressing the palm of my hands against my ears to block out their voices.

"Catora, you loved that little girl. It's disgusting and gross but true. You buried her in flowers. You sang to her. Rue loved you. You were like the older sister she never had." Johanna trying to make me feel better? God this was so twisted.

"Shut up! Shut up!" I shouted, slamming my hands down on the cold ground. "What proof do you have that I did that? None! These are my memories of her and I don't know why I thought I was being rational in the Games but I see now that I was wrong!" They're just staring at me, not saying a word. "I killed her. Don't try to make me feel better about this.

"Look at your arm Caotra." Mack said softly.

"Why?" I grumbled.

"Just do it." He snapped at me. Glaring over at my friend, I looked down at my arm. There was nothing there though but the long red scratches from when I had the itch.

"What about it." I demanded, cross my arms again and stare down at the ground.

"The puncture wounds Catora. Look at them." Johanna says forcefully. She's probably glaring at me through the bars of her cafe but I don't look at her.

"There's nothing there." I mutter.

"Because they're trying to make you forget what they're doing to you." Mack said in a gentle voice. "Listen to us, you loved Rue and she died tragically. You couldn't save her. You didn't kill her." Wrong. Wrong. Wrong!

"Shut up! I know what I did! You can't convince me otherwise!" I shouted. They became quiet as I turned away from everyone and curled up on the floor. Evil. I was evil. Pure and simple.