Two Sides of The Same Coin (Merthur)(Discontinued)

Three Simple Words

"No! No, of course I don't! How could I love him? That would be so strange! We're both guys! How would that even work? No... No, I don't..."

"Merlin," Gaius sighed, "Love is a beautiful thing, no matter who it is between. I think that you and Arthur would be wonderful together. Stop trying to hide your love when you're so full of it. It's a part of you; bigger than your magic, or even your destiny. Arthur is a part of you," Gaius finished, waiting for a reaction. The only one I gave was a sigh as I thought about what Arthur had said.

He patted my knee and stood up.

"Get some sleep, Merlin. If what you said earlier is true, tomorrow will be a big day for you," When I took of my jacket and neckerchief, then pulled the blanket up to my chin, Gaius left. 

Thirty minutes later, someone came telling Gaius that there was an ill man inside the castle, and then all was silent. I was the only one remaining the chambers.

I stood from my bed and looked out the window. The world was already dark. Little globes of light that were lanterns lit up houses, making everything beautiful. I thought back to what Gaius had said about Arthur. 

Making a sudden decision, I walked through the door and out into the castle hallways. Arthur was probably back in his room, by now, pouring over his plans, or possibly speeches, if he remembered. 

He wasn't there, though. There were papers on the table, and the floor. They were written on a scribbled out, although there was a stack of blank, neat pages. I started sorting the papers out, and ended with three stacks.

Three. Three hours past mid-day. Tessrach. 

I had forgotten all about her! Well, maybe if I explained why... she would understand. Tessrach always used to understand.

But there was no time to think about that! I had to find Arthur! I had to tell him. Maybe he would still be in the throne room trying to decide what to do. 

I ran there. Still, no Arthur. I checked everywhere I could think of but still couldn't find Arthur. Not until I checked the courtyard. 

He sat on a wooden bench, speaking softly to a couple of knights. It looked like Leon and Elyan, but I had a difficult time telling in the darkness. Arthur saw me a moment after I saw him, and grinned. It was strange, how the mood could be so light directly before something bad was bound to happen, but light it was.

I stopped a couple feet in front of Arthur, unsure of where to go with this. Arthur's grin faded when he saw my seriousness and discomfort. 

"Merlin? Is everything all-" 

"Arthur, I need to talk to you," I blurted out, silently cursing myself for interrupting him.

"Alone?" He asked. I nodded.

"Alone," Arthur nodded at the knights, letting them know that it was alright to leave. He then patted the empty space beside him, motioning for me to sit down. I continued to stand. 

"What's wrong?" The concern was evident in his voice. I hated making Arthur worry so much.

"You're an annoying, egotistical, stupid, cabbage head, part, and you never listen to what I want to say." Why was I insulting him? I wanted to tell him that I loved him. 

"Is that all?" The worry was gone from Arthur's voice. He sounded concerned now, instead. 

"You're boring, disrespectful, and pointless," I continued, wanting to say more.

"What's this even about, Merlin?"

"Sometimes I think I want to hate you! But nooo, you have to come into my life and make me feel like... like I.... Arthur, I... I..." Arthur was beginning to get impatient. I wanted to tell him, but the words didn't seem to want to come out.

"You what? Get on with it, Merlin," Alright. Now or never. All I needed to do was open my mouth and let the words out. I could do this. Only three simple words... I could do this. Not difficult to say.... I could do this. Arthur would begin to see me more clearly... I could do this. Only three simple words...

"I..." Couldn't do this, "I'm sorry for wasting your time," Then I turned and ran. I ran as fast as my long legs could carry me, but I didn't know where I was going. I just knew that I had to get away from Arthur. I had to leave before I said something stupid.

My feet ended up taking me to Gwen's now abandoned house. I tried the door, somewhat surprised that it was actually unlocked. I supposed that it hadn't been too long since she left, it felt like forever though, I missed her so much.

The room was dark and dusty. A bed leaned on the wall, as it had all of those years. There was still the table, a couple of chairs, and all of the cupboards. The room was nice and neat, as Gwen would have left it.

I stiffly made my way towards her bed, and collapsed onto it. I was such an idiot, such a coward. What was wrong with me? Why could I do nothing right?

"Wish you were here, Gwen," I whispered into the air, "You would have known what to do. Even if you didn't, you would make it easier... And even Morgana. A couple years ago, you would have been willing to do anything for us. You had such a good view on right and wrong. You would have convinced me to say it, and if Arthur didn't like it, you would have convinced him to accept it," I almost felt as if Gwen and the old Morgana were here with me, listening. I guess that was how people felt when talking about the dead.

"I miss you," I added to both of them. Three simple words. I sighed. If only I could have said three words to Arthur. 

"I miss you," I said again, this time closing my eyes. With that, I allowed myself to drift into a surprisingly easy, yet dreamless sleep.

Author's Note: Ugh! Merlin! Why couldn't you tell him, you idiot! Sorry, I guess you feel bad enough already....

So, what'd you guys think about this one? Merlin collapsed onto two beds in one chapter. Go Merlin! That's gotta be a record! I feel kinda sorry for him, though, and I'm starting to hate myself for what's happening in this story. What do you guys think? Do you hate me as well? Sorry. So, Comment! Vote! Comment! Read! Comment! Recommend! Comments are the best! I love you all, and thanks again for reading. Also, I'm starting to get popular! Yay! So happy. Next chapter should be tomorrow. I'll try to get it to you.