You might think that this chapter is a joke, but it's not. If you do not wish to read about my problems, stop now. If so, continue reading. You will find out why I ask this when you reach rule 2. I am a Satanist. I was born for it. Kinda weird, cause my girlfriend's Christian. I discovered this religion a while ago, and I'm going to purchase the Satanic Bible soon. I'm just complaining about how people react when they hear me talking about it.
Satanists aren't that bad. We have eleven rules to live by:
1. Do not give opinions or advice unless asked.
2. Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.
3. When in another's lair, show him respect or else do not go there.
4. If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.
5. Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal
6. Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.
7. Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.
8. Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.
9. Do not harm little children.
10. Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.
11. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.
Excepting rules 4 & 11, we're not that evil. I have a close friend who is currently trying to decide whether or not to be a Satanist, and we were talking about Satanism in class when a boy asked my friend if he was a Satanist. Even though he said no, the boy scooted his chair away and remained so for the rest of the lesson, saying that he "didn't want to be sacrificed for some ritual."
When one of my not-so-friends found out I was becoming a Satanist, she tried to talk me out of it, saying Satanists were evil and they sacrificed children (reference rule 9- we don't do that). When I told her that they weren't so bad, she just sighed and sat at a table across the room. She hasn't talked to me since.
I'm not going to try to convince you to be a Satanist, but I will say this: I love my religion. Satanists accept you for you. They encourage standing out. They support being gay, bi, lesbian, ect. They are genuinely kind people. No one ever tries to discourage a Catholic from the path of God, or stop a Jew from celebrating a Jewish holiday (minus Hitler). So why try to stop me from participating in my religion?
