Watch as the man who just wanted his van back becomes more than just a simple carpenter with a licorice tail and wooden hands in...The Hank Saga!
A lot of these are stories I wrote a while back, so there's quite a few to upload to here (the 60+ isn'...
The Masked Hank (Hank Saga Story #28) By: Dan Leicht/D.e.e.L
He cracks his knuckles and brushes his hair. There's a smudge on the mirror he assumes to be on his face. So he picks at it, waiting for it to flick off and go away. But it doesn't, it won't leave...so he puts on a mask...and becomes THE MASKED HANK.
"Why are you wearing a mask, Hank?"
"Well, MC Frisbee Rockstar, I'll tell you."
"Okay."
"Oh, you want to know right now?"
"Yeah, that'd be nice."
"Right...it's because...I've become a superhero."
"YOU?A superhero?"
"Why are you words all slanted like that? You don't think I can be a superhero?"
"There's no way you could be a superhero."
"What? Of course I can. I can fly, shoot laser beams, I have wooden hands, half a licorice tail...all great attributes any hero should have."
"A REAL hero would have a full licorice tail."
"That's not true. It's not the size of the tail; it's how you use it."
"Sounds like something only someone with a short tail would say."
"At least I have a tail..."
After a few hours of MC Frisbee Rockstar crying in the corner about his lack of a tail and Hank showing off his muscles to imaginary friends someone barrels through the door shouting about an attack happening out in the street asking if anyone is a superhero that can save all the people while also making it look cool so he can post it to his video blog (vlog) in time to impress his film teacher right before next week's exam that takes place on a Wednesday morning at 8:15 that if anyone showing up past 8:15 won't be able to attend unless they have a written excuse from a doctor.
"Dude, there's a door. You didn't have to break the window. Who's going to clean that up?"
"I need a hero! Can you help me?!"
"Fine, but I better not get paid for this. I'm only doing this because I want to serve the common good while also working a medial job to pay for my apartment in the city."
"Don't worry. I don't carry cash on me."
"A plastic man, eh? I'm a wooden man myself. Ha-ha, get it? Because...I have wooden hands."
"That's just gross man."
Hank walks outside instead of running so the film student gets a more dramatic effect in his video. Hank pretends to be using some sort of super hearing as one hand is cuffed over his right ear, and also super sight as his right hand is cupped over his right eye.
"I see trouble!"
Hank lifts up into the air and begins to slowly fly towards the trouble happening in the middle of the street.
"What do we have here?"
"Are you blind?"
"No...actually I'm a superhero."
"Well 'superhero' this!" says the small garden gnome apparently given life by some sort of magic as it sprays Hank in the eyes with lemon juice.
"Wha....why do you have a lemon?!"
"Because that's my name. Lemons the Garden Gnome from 147 August St."
"That's a dumb name, my name is Hank. I'm here to stop you from causing any more trouble."
Lemons the Garden Gnome from 147 August St looks over his shoulder as his friends – who are also garden gnomes – are kicking their tiny little feet into the stomach of Stinky.
"Two rarely seen characters in one story? Wow, Dan is really stepping it up this time around."
"Haaaaaaank! Help me! They're slowly ruining my self-esteem."
"Director," says Hank looking at the film student, "what's my motivation in this scene?"
"You're angry."
"Ah, good...I like angry."
Hank launches up into the sky and opens his mouth thus shooting a beam down into the street and blowing up Lemons the Garden Gnome from 147 August St. Lemons the Garden Gnome from 147 August St's friends turn their attention to Hank and they begin to climb atop one another to form a three foot tall fighting machine.
"We dare you to come down here and fight like a man!"
"What proof do I have that you three know how to fight like men?"
"Hmm...that's a good point. Let's talk about it. Come down here."
"Sounds like a trap."
"No, a trap sounds like this 'KER-PLINK!"
"Pumpernickel from 278 Brosberry Ln, since when does a trap sound like 'KER-PLINK'? A trap sounds more like 'TRAAAAP-STUUCK'."
"Melrose from 350 Gardens Place, that is most certainly not the sound of a trap."
"Will you two shut up? We need to figure out a way to get this guy before he realizes we're not actually alive but rather ghosts looking to terrorize the world in the form of garden gnomes."
"WHAT WAS THAT?!" SHOUTS HANK.
"WE ARE NOT ACTUALLY ALIVE! WE'RE GHOSTS!" SHOUTS PUMPERNICKEL FROM 278 BROSBERRY LN.
"OH, OKAY. WELL I'M JUST GOING TO BLOW YOU UP THEN!"
"PLEASE DON'T!"
"IT'S TOO LATE! I ALREADY SHOT THE BEAM!"
"OKAY, I WISH WE COULD HAVE TALKED THIS OUT!"
"YEAH, THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE!"
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