Watch as the man who just wanted his van back becomes more than just a simple carpenter with a licorice tail and wooden hands in...The Hank Saga!
A lot of these are stories I wrote a while back, so there's quite a few to upload to here (the 60+ isn'...
"Hey Dan, have I ever told you the story about..."
"You're kidney? Yea, like twelve times."
"It's an awesome story so I'll tell you it again..."
"I feel like it wasn't the whole story though...."
"What do you mean?"
"Well...the real story would have started off with you smoking a cigarette...which would lead Amber into reminding you to brush your teeth once you were done. You've smoked enough cigarettes to know that isn't needed, because to you your breath smells fine, but what Amber is really worried about is plaque, she's a professional tooth brusher from worlds where there is more sun around, but for some reason she moved here, possibly as a tooth prophet. So you smoke your stick made of rolled up paper and tar and tobacco and some spongy stuff that I assume is made from old cantaloupes. Once done smoking you think nothing of it...everything is fine...nothing in the world could possibly go wrong, so you don't brush, or even floss (Really? Not even floss? Everyone does that!)
So once back inside the bake shop...because that's where you hangout, you begin to feel a tingle in the back of your mouth, it isn't the same tingle that makes your fingers shoot sprinkles into the air to explode like pancake mix tossed into the air to resemble falling snow, so you wonder what's going on. Whilst wondering this you think about how you haven't smoked in the past twenty seconds...so you go outside, once outside your mouth gapes open in an uncontrolled passion for being gaped open, you can't control this uncontrolled thing happening to you, so you panic and jump into the pond that is twelve feet away. Once in the pond you remember you don't like to be wet, so you get out, but once you're out is when the plaque monster finally decides to jump out of your mouth and make a basket in the hoop that is four miles away. You look up at him as he is staring down at you and you both know what must be done...so you put on your mask and cape and run at him with full force. He's eating a donut and doesn't notice you running at him, and really doesn't notice when you run right through his right leg with your right hand facing backward to control your sprint of controllable justice.
You begin to start things with your head (most call this thinking). The plaque monster has moved on from the bake shop and even returns it's shirts and CD's...which really hurts the bake shop's feelings. While eating a burrito the plaque monster remembers why it was spawned, lighting cracks the sky, thunder does that "der ga der" thing that it often does and a sword falls from the sky. He holds the sword in his hand as his gaze quickens back to you, who is standing atop a shopping cart with a mask on and a cape while holding a loaf of bread for a weapon.
The plaque monster begins to sprint towards you-sparks shooting out of odd places, as well as his sword. You stand on a cart...holding bread. The grotesque looking creature holds up its weapon and prepares to strike...the plaque monster does the same. His sword collides with your bread and a glorious sandwich is created! You both eat the swordwich and forget what is happening. Then the plaque monster says goodbye and straps on his rocket boots. You tell him not to leave...you would miss him too much, so for a memento you take what's left of your bread and remove one of your kidneys...by eating the bread...its very stale bread. The plaque monster kisses your check and shoots off into the part of the sky where stuff reaches and you can't see it anymore.
Unbeknownst to you the plaque monster lands in a far away region that isn't that far from where Amber used to live. Once landing the plaque monster stares into the eyes of his quivering friend, using some mayonnaise and a toothpick the plaque monster inserts the kidney into his friend. He uses his mustache grease to seal the operation, which causes the man to rise!"
Hank awakens and stares down at his scar
The kamikaze seagull didn't succeed in his/her/its mission
Holding the hand of the plaque monster Hank vows to make everyone pay!
