Watch as the man who just wanted his van back becomes more than just a simple carpenter with a licorice tail and wooden hands in...The Hank Saga!
A lot of these are stories I wrote a while back, so there's quite a few to upload to here (the 60+ isn'...
Hank Goes To The Movies (Hank Saga Story #16) - By Dan Leicht/D.e.e.L
"Hey, Dan."
"Hi."
"I have a question."
"Is it contagious?"
"What? I...hope not...I don't know...maybe?"
"Ew, want me to look at it?"
"What? Can I just ask you something?"
"As long as it's not a question, sure."
"Does Hank ever do anything fun? He seems to always be getting into trouble."
"Who's Hank?"
"You don't know who Hank is?"
"Well...If whom you are speaking of is whom I am introducing to my thoughts in this very moment of articulated snaps of nerves within my mind to correlate to the physical world and all that inhabit it within the realms of the real and as well as that of the imagined then I might possibly absolutely know for whom you are speaking of. Yes.
Why Hank was just at a movies the other day. He saw one of those new ones that everyone is talking about but hasn't seen yet because they are waiting for it to be pirated online so that they can watch it with some fresh booty."
"What?"
"Shhhh...I'm writing..."
"So, the movie was about to start and all of Hank's popcorn was gone and he had already finished his jawbreaker as well as his soda and ruined his shoes in the process of ruining them for the purpose of them being ruined for no apparent reason other than whatever reason he apparently had.
The movie starts and everyone gasps at what is on screen, everyone except Hank, he yawns and falls asleep.
When he opens his eyes they aren't actually open, they are still closed, but to him they are open within the world of his dream that is taking place in the movie that he hasn't seen yet but will somehow have a dream that relates to the exact plot of the movie.
It's quiet outside, there are some trees and various other things you would find outside, just imagine some things, like, a lot of really detailed things, the scenery is only as good as your imagination, so if it sucks it is completely your fault that you are not seeing that hot babe over there running through the woods as if being chased by someone or something or somecow or somethings or anyone or maybe she is just jogging with only a shirt on even though I am imagining that it is very cold out right now and it looks like it might snow, but don't worry, because it won't.
It's snowing now, the ground covering ever so slightly with hardly any snow at all. The turntables are on full blast as the haunted music is following each of Hank's footsteps through the hardly snow covered cold wet ground that he is walking upon with ruined shoes that were ruined without apparent purpose for ruining. He hears something, but cannot tell what it is, or if he even heard it, or just didn't hear it. He hears it again, and another time, or did he? The sound is of screaming. It sounds like the voice of that girl that was running, because all joggers sound the same. Hank runs, but falls, breaks his ankle and uses his laser beams to somehow fix it. His licorice tail swats a mosquito hoping to extract splinters of blood from his wooden arms. The moon is out, but nobody cares.
Suddenly the sun is rising, but it really isn't and everything is still dark out. Hank finds a cabin and walks inside because it was unlocked. Inside he finds the girl that was jogging. She is lying down on the floor. Hank assumes she got lazy and couldn't make it do her bed. So he finds some coffee grounds and places them next to her head. He grabs a handful from the can and begins to eat as he explores the very small cabin. After six hours of exploring he wanders outside. To his surprise he sees the shadow of a man-shaped something yonder in the woods. The shadow looks as if holding some sort of dangerous looking object attached to a stick with some feathers on the other end. Pain is only rivaled by tickling Hank ponders in his head without saying it out loud to nobody.
One of the trees you imagined existed falls. It makes a ton of sound. Hank doesn't hear anything.
The shadowed figure approaches the approximate location of where Hank is currently placed, almost shoeless in nature. As the man gets closer, Hank begins to recognize that he does not recognize this man.
A shriek of shrieky shriekyness shrieks from the now unshadowed unrecognized man. The man swings his instrument of absolute torture and just barely almost misses Hank. With much pain Hank falls to the ground in much pain. Even though he has laser beam powers he does not use them for some reason and just decides to run in a straight line that is easy to follow and goes in a direction that could easily be cut off by the other man. Hank runs for two hours before being cut off by the other man. Both tired and wanting some milk they sit and drink the jug Hank keeps in his pocket. The running shook the milk pretty good; Hank makes a cheese joke and the man laughs, and then attacks Hank again. This time Hank thinks fast and runs faster, but is cut off again. Knowing he has nowhere to run he calls out for one of the other characters you imagined to come to his aid. Gina shows up for like two seconds before its apparent she cannot help Hank. Then Christina shows up for almost three seconds. You just imagined Christina's first appearance in a Hank story.
DJ Rae Rae increases the beats and your heart begins to pound at what is going to happen next. Will Hank make it out of this alive?
The man goes for another slash with his horrible weapon, but is halted by the laser beams Hank should have used earlier.
The credits are rolling as Hank wakes up alone in the theatre."
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