Watch as the man who just wanted his van back becomes more than just a simple carpenter with a licorice tail and wooden hands in...The Hank Saga!
A lot of these are stories I wrote a while back, so there's quite a few to upload to here (the 60+ isn'...
"Yes I do! I have a black belt on today! I'm like a Ninja!"
"Nina...that story was terrible. I did like the part where it ended though."
"Do you want to hear the story of how I got it?"
"I already know how you got it."
"How'd I get it then?"
"Well...you were jumping rope in a back alley when all of a sudden you stopped jumping for some reason all of a sudden so instead of jumping the rope you became all tangled up in it around your ankles and hair. You yelled out for help, but nobody came, except for a duck named Bill, but Bill didn't have a body, so he was just nobody, so you told him to leave. As he left to go walk away from you he saved an orphanage from a mob of cute burning puppies, the children were fine, and the puppies extinguished as well as quite delectable-Bill hates vegetables.
Once seeing Bill's heroic act you realized your mistake, you should have kept jumping the rope instead of stopping, so you started jumping again and you became untangled. This jumping was causing you to get thirsty, so you went and made a taco out of water and sand and consumed it before noon, because at noon...your favorite show was on.
At noon you turned the TV off, and then remembered that your show was about to start, so you went to go make some toast. You put three pieces of bread into a toaster that only holds two pieces, once you pushed the levers down to toast the bread that you wanted to be toasted a crazy thing happened! All of the pieces of toast were able to fit into the toaster, and then you were sucked into the toaster and landed on a whoopie cushion in a world where everything wasn't the world you eventually made it back to at the end of this story.
You looked around to see nobody's walking everywhere. You didn't walk up to somebody and say hello. The nobody responded with "Whapadooodle deeeee!!!!" So you of course yelled back "Hap pap baloooo!!!" So then he said "Wait...what did you just say to me? Are we in the middle of a dicament?" So you ran.
While running across the landscape of where you were running you were seeing crazy things! There was a shelving unit with no shelves, a penguin wearing a cheap suit, and a bag of raisins that were filled with juice. You used the shelving unit to make a sword, the raisins to paint your face some sort of magenta-purple-raisony-green-orange-panda cat color, and then you named the penguin Slappy and threw him over your shoulder, where he landed in a trash can.
With the sword in hand and your face looking grapy, you knew you were ready. You walked up to the castle that you had seen but decided to not exclaim anything about earlier and you knocked on the door with your foot for some reason. The door opened with noises that could shatter things that are breakable. Once inside you sat down and began to take the test, filling in the little bubbles with your number 2 sword pencil, the test was difficult, sweat dripped down your grapy face, but in the end you were able to pass with a D+.
For passing the test you were given a gift, it was a belt-most amazing and most green. So you didn't put it on and you walked straight into a wall. Once on the other side of the wall that people can walk through you saw your next challenge. Once finishing the "100 Burgers of Doom" you walked through the next wall...where you found your nemesis...the jump rope of tanglement. It was in the hands of someone who had hands that weren't really hands, but they were. Hank was jumping the rope and singing a song about rainbows and lollipops. You yelled out "Hey! Don't I know you?". Hank stopped singing and turned around to look at you, his jaw dropped, his tail whipped the ceiling, his eyes became inflamed with the fire of remembering who you were "AAAAHHH MY EYES!!!!" he yelled out. You panicked and threw gasoline into his face thinking the wet liquid would put out the fire, and it did, Hank has a different type of fire that shoots out of his eyes than normal fire.
"What...what are you doing here?" asked Hank.
"I don't know. I think I'm making toast," you replied.
Hank looked into our eyes and knew you were telling the truth. So he began to lasso the jump rope in the air and readied to entangle you in it once more. You could tell that that's what he was planning, so you charged at him, and with your number 2 wooden sword pencil combination you chopped off half of his tail. He cried out in tears as well as regret that he wasn't wearing some sort of licorice tail protection. With half his tail between his legs he ran into a wall and escaped."
You put the piece of tail around your waist
Closed your eyes and wished to be in the happiest place ever
