Twenty Over Thirty || manxman

VII - Scars & Memories

"I will never hurt you," James said, knowing he would mean these words with every ounce of his body. "You won't ever have to worry if my heart will turn away from you."

"Say the words, Dimitri, say you promise."

"I promise."

Hearing exactly what he wanted, Kurt sat up as James continued to lay in bed, and the older man watched his new lover closely as the emotion found its way in. What could it possibly be that had the power to bring someone so confident, so sure of themselves down to a level this vulnerable? With the way Kurt often spoke and carried himself, it was hard to believe this was a side of him that existed, and James wanted to know who built the wall.

Wincing as he sat up, James touched a hand to the slight stinging sensation on his neck. His fingers brushed up against the place Kurt had bitten him. A tiny trace of blood came off on his fingers when he looked upon them, and then he glanced back up towards Kurt who had his back turned from him. "I promise," he started, "to never hurt you, physically, mentally, emotionally. Kurt, I want you to feel safe around me, knowing you don't have anything to worry about, especially when it's just the two of us. But...why do you do this? Why do you bite me the way you do?"

From the honest sentiment in James' tone of voice, Kurt looked back over his shoulder, looking the older man up and down. He perceived the visible wounds from last night, as well as the fresh one that was imprinted at the top of his shoulder. As if just acknowledging them for the first time, Kurt neared James on the bed and pushed him back softly, making him lie down. He then kissed the wounds, whispering, "I'm so sorry," after each one was shown some attention.

"Why do you do it?" James asked again as the young man pressed his lips to the side of his ribcage. "Why do you bite me?"

"I don't even know I'm doing it," Kurt confessed. "I'm so sorry if I've hurt you."

"Just..." James sighed, "Not so hard anymore, okay?"

Kurt nodded.

Looking at how bruised and battered Dimitri's body looked even though he hadn't been assaulted, the vision engraved itself into Kurt's mind. This was his doing, these red markings, the bleeding abrasions, and he was sorry for it all. He didn't mean to hurt Dimitri, and he was ashamed that he was doing all of this without even thinking about it. It wasn't a kink he enjoyed, just a strange compulsion that seemed to enter him whenever he and Dimitri were in bed together. Was he unconsciously marking his territory like a wild animal might? If so, he completely understood why his mind steered him towards making these involuntary scars.

As he looked upon the hickies that would fade and the teeth markings that would take a few days to heal, Kurt wondered if fessing up to Dimitri about his issues would somehow help him. For what felt like so long now, he's kept himself bottled up in his own world. Avoiding people had been his defense mechanism, but here he had allowed himself to foolishly slip into a world with Dimitri. Did he regret it?

Not really.

That first night seeing the other man not long ago, he hadn't been able to contain himself. Dimitri was just so handsome, awkward at first, and all of the things the man enjoyed amused Kurt to an extent, but Dimitri was charming in a way, not your typical grown man, and he liked that about him. Was this sudden growth of feelings trying to tell him something, trying to get him to open up as much as he used to. Back when he was growing up in Birmingham, Kurt had been someone everyone liked. No enemies and tons of friends. All in all, Kurt Callahan was the kind of person anyone could get on with, and had welcomed all kinds of people. Now, though, now things were different, and somehow he had willingly let his guard down just for Dimitri Leventis.