Deleted Memories (The Maze Runner, Newt)

Chapter 25

Day 'I don't even know anymore'

People would probably say that a person changes when he or she wakes up in an unfamiliar place without memories, surrounded by people he or she didn't know. I disagree, it doesn't change you. It just brings out the real you. You have to become the person that makes rash decisions in times of life or death. Those decisions define you, be true to yourself and always hold your enemies at an arm's length.

I hadn't written in my journal for quite some time. It felt good; although, I didn't have much to write. I hadn't exactly done very much in the past month. It would have just consisted of me writing about laying in bed, day after day. I hadn't even wanted to ask for my journal for most of the time because no one knew about it besides Newt. I had finally broken down and asked for him to get it for me. It was still under my mattress in my 'old' room. I didn't even consider it my room anymore since I hadn't slept in there for a couple months.

Newt had started to come to see me every day and had even asked the Medjacks if I could be moved to his room but they had refused, saying that it would be better for me to stay here where they can monitor me. I couldn't quite understand why since I was pretty much healed. But nonetheless, Clint and Jeff had constantly nagged me about doing too much and causing an infection to happen. So I rarely left my hospital bed and if I didn't I wasn't even able to make it outside of the Homestead before Newt or one of them had come and brought me back up to the third floor.

Finally, by six weeks, I was able to go down to and eat meals with the rest of the Gladers. I was able to grill Ben, Minho and the rest of the Runners for details of the Maze. Unfortunately, there wasn't anything new to report. When I had been stuck in the Homestead, a new Greenie had arrived. He was a small, younger boy who was on the chubbier side. I had watched like a stalker from my room's window as the boys crowded around the box. They had pulled the small boy up and he had been crying when he got to the top.

Now, he was eating dinners and hanging out with the rest of us.

"What's it like out there?" Chuck asked. The boy looked to be around twelve years old. And his curly mop of hair made him even more adorable.

I looked over at Minho who just looked at me as if to say 'you're problem, not mine.' I sighed and turned back to Chuck, "I'm not sure if I'm supposed to tell you just yet, Greenie."

He dropped the subject which I was quite thankful for, "you're dating the second in command, right?" Newt wasn't at the table yet. He had excused himself to help Alby with something. I looked around in hopes to catch the glance of the blonde boy, but he was nowhere in sight.

"Yeah, Newt and I are together," I smiled. It wasn't every day that I was able to tell someone new about my life.

"I see the way he looks at you," Chuck said, "he loves you."

Minho made a gagging sound, but I ignored him.

I laughed and ruffled Chuck's hair, "thanks, bud. I hope so."

"Do you know who sent us here?" Chuck asked.

"No," I lied. There was no way I was going to tell the new Greenie everything I knew. I hadn't even told Alby.

"Why did they send us here?" He pressed. I tried not to roll my eyes at the curious kid.

"I don't know, Chuck," I sighed. Why did greenies have to be so questioning? Just do what you are told, and you'll learn what you need to along the way. This time, Chuck leaned in close, "you know this is the Keeper's table, right?" His voice was low but I knew that everyone at the table could hear him. "I'm not sure if I am allowed to sit here," he seemed anxious. Had these boys been playing tough love with the Greenie?

I look around at the group of boys: Minho, Gally, Winston, and Zart. I hadn't even realised that it was only Keepers at our table. But then again, there used to be Leo, before Justin and he got together and even though we lived in the same Glade, I rarely saw him. He had come to see me once or twice when I had just been taken to the Medjacks, but nothing after that. Ben, who was also normally at our table was missing in action and so that left only Keepers and me.

I shrugged at the boy, "do I look like a keeper?"

"Yes you do," Newt popped up behind me, kissing me on the cheek.

I gently hit him on the arm and looked back at Chuck, "I'm not. Don't worry; these shanks don't bite."

"Speak for yourself," Minho retorted. I stuck my tongue out at him and scooted over so that Newt could join us. Newt.

~

A few days after, I was allowed to go sit with Newt at our tree.

It took a lot longer than normal to get there as I was instructed to take it slow, and heaven forbids, Newt not listen to the Medjacks. He made sure that I didn't do anything that could reopen any of my healing wounds. Newt slid down the tree and then reached up, placing his hands on my hips and helped me lower myself so that I was in between his legs. I leaned back against Newt's chest and relished in the warmth that radiated off the boy.

It was about midday and all of the Gladers were hard at work. Man, did I ever miss running. My body ached for the activity and my brain craved the exercise. But I knew better than to argue. It was just a waiting game. Waiting for the okay so that I can go back out into those bland corridors and run to my heart's content. I had to admit, I also missed talking to Thomas. He hadn't spoken to me since the incident and I wasn't sure if I should try contacting him myself. I didn't want to bother him.

"Makes you feel useless, huh?" Newt's chest rumbled as he talked.

"More than anything," I sighed, "once I heal, I'm going to go straight back into that maze." I pointed towards to opening that we always ran through. The opening that Minho had run into this morning. Oh, how I envied him.

We sat there for a while just watching our surroundings. A beetle blade scooted quickly past us and I couldn't help but wonder if it was Thomas. I had an urge to wave to the bug but held it back. If it wasn't him, it could ruin his cover completely.

Newt wrapped his arms around me, careful to not touch my wounds. "Hey, princess?" He mumbled in my ear.

I made an 'hmm' sound as I shut my eyes. His voice soothed me. It made me feel like I was home. Like that cliche saying "home is where the heart is," my heart was with him. He had it firmly grasped in his hands. A place where he could just as easily rip it into pieces, but I trusted him. I trusted him with every single being in my body. He would never intentionally hurt me.

"I love you more than I ever thought I could love someone," he grabbed my free hand and kissed the back of it gently. I winced as my forearm made contact with the wound on my bicep. Newt noticed and immediately let go, "sorry, love."

"It's okay, Newt. I love you too, so much," I said and rested my head against his. I lifted my shirt slightly so I could scratch underneath the bandaging around my stomach. The wound was healing which also made it really itchy and it didn't help with this tight bandage constantly rubbing against me either.

"Newt? I'm going to find a way out of here. Get us somewhere safe. Somewhere we can properly call home. I will get every single Glader out of here." I was certain I would. I had made it my goal. I vowed to never give up hope. There had to be a way. There just had to. "I will get us out of here. I will fix you. We will start a life together outside of this place. We will be happy with every single aspect of our lives. I promise you that," I pushed away the part of me that thought we couldn't do it; that we would die here. That was not going to happen. I wasn't going to get it. From here on out, I was going to be optimistic.