Defiance • Bellamy Blake [1]

53. Bodyguard of Lies

After our long march, we decided to set up camp nearby Mount Weather until it was time to attack. Clarke and I stood in Lexa's tent, and I kept my distance from the two. It had only been a day since the events at Tondc, and I was still livid. Finn has tried to talk me down, but I wouldn't listen to him. There was nothing he could say that would make me understand.

Lexa was laying on a bed with her eyes shut, while Clarke stood hunched over a table. She was thinking out loud, saying all the possible things that could go wrong. It wasn't very reassuring to hear when we were only days away from war.

"What if we're wrong and cutting the power doesn't disengage the locks?" Clarke said.

"Harley said it will." Lexa said. She looked at Clarke and stood up. "You should rest, Clarke."

"We could blow the doors manually." I suggested, trying to clam her thoughts.

As angry as I was at her, it wouldn't benefit anyone if Clarke couldn't think straight. I would continue to be mad at her, but when it came to moments like this when we were talking about the lives of our people, I was willing to put my feelings aside in order to get things done. If I let my anger cloud my judgment, then all of our friends would be doomed.

"Plans don't last very long in battle." Lexa said, coming to stand next to us. "Tiring yourself with questions already asked and answered is a waste of energy."

"People died for this, Lexa." Clarke snapped, glancing at me before she quickly looked away. "It has to work." She whispered.

"You're doing what I did when I first took command. We can't move forward and it's giving you too much time to think. Once Bellamy shuts down the acid fog and the battle begins, everything will be clear."

"What if he can't?" Clarke questioned.

"Clarke --"

"What if it was too dangerous and I sent him in there anyway?" Clarke asked, cutting me off.

"You care about him." Lexa stated.

"I care about all of them."

"Yet you worry about him more."

I couldn't help the jealous feeling that swelled inside of me. Did Clarke like Bellamy more then just a friend? I looked towards Clarke and she was standing there quietly. I've always seen there relationship as one similar to a brother and sister, but it never crossed my mind that she could have feelings for him.

I shook away the thoughts though, telling myself that Clarke probably just felt responsible for his life. He played a huge role in this leadership, saving our lives more than once. If it weren't for him, we'd probably be dead by now. Clarke obviously cared for him, but I told myself that none of her feelings were romantic.

"We couldn't have kept us alive all this time without him. We need him." I argued for her.

"And I might be the one who gets him killed." Clarke whispered.

"That's what it means to be a leader." Lexa said. "The truth is, we must look into the eyes of our warriors and say, 'go die for me.'"

I chuckled humourlessly. "If only it were that easy."

"Can we please just get back to the plan?" Clarke asked.

"No. You two could be a leader your people look to. Pour their hopes and dreams into. Someone they will fight and die for."

"We never asked for that." I said. "We're just trying to keep our people alive."

Lexa pulled me aside from Clarke who was staring at the plans, her eyes taking in every little detail.