In the Light

Chapter Nineteen: Jess

Ruby had gone to bed early, so she was the first to wake up. Sam was lying next to her, but he was facing away from her. He usually had his arm on top of her, but not that day.

She found the bathroom. There wasn't working water. Awkward. She brushed her teeth and changed clothes.

In the living room, Castiel was by the window, looking outside. "Let me guess. You don't to sleep."

"Or eat," he replied. He sighed. "You should know that God is very proud of you. You're doing the right thing. He loves you very much. People think he's a wrathful God, but he truly loves everyone the same. He says that He's sorry for your mental illness. Good comes from it though. I can't exactly explain it. He only wants the best for you."

Ruby was a bit disconcerted about the last part, but she couldn't contain her joy. She smiled and laughed. She hugged Castiel again. "Tell me all about Him!"

• • •

They talked about theology for the next few hours. Castiel was so kind. She could tell how much he loved God. He would do anything for Him.

Mary was the first to wake up. Her hair was messy and she looked tired even though she must have slept for a long time. So far, those were the only flaws - if you could even call them that - in Mary Winchester that Ruby could see. "Good morning. I'm going to get some breakfast from McDonald's. What do you want?"

"Morning. Just one of those parfaits, please." Ruby smiled.

Mary smiled back. "That's what I'm getting for Sam and me too. I'll get some eggs too. Be back in a jiffy." Mary took the old, red Camry that she drove there behind the Impala.

Sam came out of the bedroom then. He went straight to the bathroom. He came out not much later. Before he could say anything, Castiel pulled Sam aside. He spoke in a low voice, but Ruby could still hear him. "Jessica Moore told me to tell you that it's okay if you move on. She's happy now, in Heaven. She said you need to be happy. She also said to be safe. She doesn't want to see you there any time soon."

Sam backed up. He had a look of sadness mixed with shock. He didn't say anything, just walked outside.

Ruby walked up to Castiel. "Who's Jess?"

"You weren't supposed to hear that. You should ask Sam."

Outside, Sam was sitting on the ground with his head in his hands. Ruby didn't touch him. She respected his personal space in this time of emotion.

"Do you want to talk about it? I understand if you don't. I mean, I didn't tell you that I was sick. I'm sorry about that by the way. I just didn't know how you'd take it."

Sam took his head out of his hands and looked forward. "I was mad, but I'm not anymore. You didn't want to seem weak, and you didn't want me to worry or baby you. And I'm sorry that I haven't told you about Jess. I know about your past, so it's only fair you know about mine."

He shifted and looked at Ruby. "I met Jess six months after I left college. I met her at a bar. Dean and I hadn't caught a case for awhile, so we were just hanging out. I had found a temporary job there that turned into a permanent job when I met her. Long story short, we fell in love."

He took a breath, bracing himself, before continuing. "She died a year and a half later. The same way Dad died. While we were ... getting our revenge on Azazel, he told me that he did that to push me back into hunting. To make me a better soldier. It worked. Not long after that, Mom picked up on his trail and then we found you."

"I'm sorry." She didn't know what else to say.

"It doesn't matter anymore. I always thought that her death was my fault. That I had missed something. It was Azazel. He would have found a way. Now I know that she's happy. I can forget that and focus on you and all of this."

They kissed passionately then. They had both finally let go of all their burdens. They were free. Ruby felt like their souls were merging. They broke off eventually and went back inside.

There they found Dean and Castiel standing very close in front of the window. Dean took a quick step back when he heard them walk in.

Sam let out a small laugh. "So, uh, what were you two talking about?" He raised on eyebrow.

Dean seemed defensive. "Just making sure Cas here has good intentions. He seems alright to me." Castiel smiled, almost imperceptibly.

That's when Mary came back with the food. Dean rubbed the back of his neck as he walked towards her to help her carry it in. "Did Sam superglue a beer bottle to your hand again, Dean? You look embarrassed." Dean started stuttering, trying to explain himself.

Ruby spared him from answering that question by asking another. "Sam superglued your hand to a beer bottle?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, watch your mouth unless you want to be next." Dean said playfully threatening.

As they sat around the dusty table eating their fast food, Ruby felt like she had found her true family. Sam and Dean told stories. Everyone except Castiel was laughing. Ruby got the sense that he didn't really laugh much. He sat there and smiled. She noticed that he smiled especially big when Dean was telling a story. She had finally found something good that was worth fighting for.