Chapter Twenty Four

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Enjoy :)

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I couldn't say it back.

I stared, and stared and stared with my mouth wide open in shock.

And I stayed quiet.

*flashback*

"I love you." She said passionately, the words creating a slight flutter in my chest. But that flutter was quickly replaced with numbness.

And fear.

So I said nothing, not even giving her an answer.

"Lianna?" She questioned, her voice wavering in worry.

"What?" I said distractedly, slightly shifting away from her. "I'm sorry can you please repeat that..." Her face got serious, as she cupped my face firmly in her palm. She shook her head before regaining the distance I had tried to put between us.

"I know you heard me, don't try to pretend you didn't." I couldn't meet her gaze, instead trying to move my eyes to the floor.

But she wouldn't let me.

She pulled my face up so I was forced to look at her, before she sighed heavily. There was hurt in her eyes, but also a lack of surprise.

Like she had been expecting me to not respond.

"Look, I know you are not ready to say it back, I figured as much. But I just needed to say it. Just to let you know though, as cliche as it is, I'm ok with waiting. I don't want you to say it until you are ready." I only nodded in response, still partially stunned, before she captured me in another soft kiss.

*end of flashback*

She had been honest in that moment, not pressing the issue, acting normal, pretending that my lack of response didn't bother her in the least.

But it bothered me.

I couldn't love her, it was impossible. I just DID NOT EVER feel love, it was an inevitable part of my personality. And yet whenever I thought of those three, special words she had said to me, the ones I couldn't return, a strange feeling fluttered in my stomach.

A strange warm feeling.

Needless to say, confusion seemed to be a primary part of my week, seeping into the activities that were usually simple and common.

It was even effecting my sex.

I had pulled Summer into the janitors closet, horny and needing relief before class. But as she was pleasuring me, her fingers pinching my nipples as she grinded herself against me, I felt something different than usual.

Something emotionally deeper.

So I had stopped her immediately, pretending to have a coughing fit. Her eyes filled with concern and she helped me gently to the nurses office, making guilt swim inside me.

And I was still horny.

But that feeling had freaked me out so much that I had to leave, concerned at my actions if I didn't. And that is why I was currently in the nurses office. Summer had kissed me gently on my forehead before going to class (though she had grilled the nurse to make sure I was well looked after.)

"You're lucky, you have a sweet lady there." The nurse commented, a smile on her face as she rummaged through a drawer, searching for the proper medication.

"Yeah," I mumbled quietly, more to myself then the nurse. "I am."

---

Throughout all of this confusion it seemed as if someone else was also going through the same thing. All week Caden had been quiet.

And this alone was a red flag.

The whole ten years I had known him, he had rarely been quiet.

Only when there was something wrong.

But when he came to lunch with a salad and NOTHING chocolate, I knew, without any doubt, that something was wrong.

"Bye babe," Summer said, secretly squeezing my thigh under the table. "I have to go talk to Mr. Ryan about tutoring." She rolled her eyes before continuing. "According to him since I am a genius and a delinquent I will relate to the people I am tutoring on a personal level." I got that annoying feeling again watching her smile, the beauty of it amazing me. At least before I squashed it, ignoring the tugging in my heart. To cover it up I laughed fakely at her statement. She then waved, sending a goodbye to Caden over her shoulder before leaving the cafeteria. Caden didn't even respond, he was too wrapped up in staring into his salad. His eyebrows were scrunched together in thought, his fork clenched tightly in his fist. Gently he stabbed it into a piece of lettuce, shoving it in his mouth before chewing. My mouth almost dropped open in shock when no disgust showed up on his face.

"Caden you are eating lettuce!" I said loudly, trying to shake him out if his stupor. But he simply shrugged and took abother bite.

And I almost fell off my chair in shock.

Now worried I grabbed a raisin from my plate and threw it harshly at his head, making him finally lift his head (only to glare at me) and let out a high pitched yelp.

"What was that for?" He exclaimed, rubbing the spot that was hit with his hand. But I didn't feel any guilt, laughing at his reaction instead. Remembering the task at hand I stopped my laughing and pointed to his food.

"Caden you're eating salad!" I saw a flash of disgust come across his face before he covered it up, crossing his arms.

"So, it's healthy." He then picked up his fork and put another bite in his mouth. But now out of his hazy state he wasn't able to hide his disgust.

And then he spit it out.

I wanted to laugh, but I was too concerned. I touched his hand and pleaded with my eyes.

"Caden what's wrong?" He looked at me resistantly, his eyes never wavering. But as usually he gave up quickly, surrendering to my prying glare.

"Fine!" He then slumped his head to the table, hiding it in his hands. I then waited patiently, letting him collect his thoughts. Finally (after about ten minutes) he spoke, his voice mumbled and meek.

"Lianna," he started shakily, his voice cracking nervously. "How did you know you were gay?"

---

I stared at him thoughtfully, knowing exactly where this was going.

"Well... You know Seth Reethes party, the one we went to in the seventh grade?" He bobbed his head once, not raising it from his hands but telling me to continue. "Well, I was sitting in a circle with some of the other kids, playing that stupid game seven minutes in heaven." I rolled my eyes and smirked, even though he couldn't see me. "And the bottle pointed to me and Seth. So like the game demands we both went in the closet. I wasn't nervous, but when he kissed me I felt nothing, it was like kissing wallpaper. So then I did the 'very me' thing and pushed him harshly, so that he fell right on to his ass." Caden laughed, finally raising his head slightly in interest.

"That is a very you thing to do," he said, slight humor in his tone.

"I know." I smirked before continuing. "So then our time was over and we left the closet, him sitting as far away from me as possible. Eventually it was mine turn again, except this time, the other poor victim was Jenny Walters." His eyebrows shot up at this, the surprise showing on his face.

"Do you mean innocent, pure Jenny that moved to Idaho?"

I smirked proudly, nodding at his question. "Yep, 'poor, innocent Jenny'" I said deviously. "Anyway, we got in the closet and our time was started. She wouldn't even look at me. But I grabbed her face and kissed her, tongue and all, and then she kissed me back." I shrugged and then looked seriously at Caden. "And that was when I knew. What I felt, kissing Jenny Walters, was actually something. And I just knew at that moment I was gay." He nodded slowly, processing my story before tears suddenly filled his eyes. As he cried, I pulled him in a hug, knowing what he was going to say.

"Well," he said between sniffles. "I'm gay." He said, with much difficulty. His tears then tapered off, and I released him. Then suddenly I thought of something. Ronald was away for the week, attending some sort of boring business function with his parents that Summer refused to go to.

So this was the perfect time to ask without interruption.

"Caden, how did you find out?" I asked cautiously, not wanting to push him too hard. He avoided my eyes, making me know he was hiding something else.

"Well- er- you see- it came to me in a dream and-" I interrupted his ranting, not liking his stalling.

"Don't bullshit me." I said calmly, giving him my signature glare. As expected he cracked.

"Ok, ok! I kissed... someone?" He said in a shady tone.

And then I knew, and I was going to kick his ass.

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