This is How I Disappear

And without you is how I disappear and live my life alone forever now..

the next day we just did whatever the fuck we wanted to do.

we layed in our pj's eating ice cream and watching movies and sang along to all the musicals.

we jumped around and sang along to the nightmare before christmas.

I cried watching edward scissor hands.

we chased each other around the house.

we laughed and tickled each other.

he sang to me and I sang to him.

we were just so happy.

it wasn't going to last. 

because well reality stepped in and reminded me that I was going to leave him and this. 

and I hated myself. 

but I am going to spend the rest of this day that i loved him with all I had.

"Hey sugar." 

"yeah Bells?"

I took his hand and lead him to the bed. 

I was going to show him I loved him. 

in every way possible.

we stayed in bed for the rest of the day.

I watched him sleep.

well there is no time like the present. 

I grabbed his notebook and wrote him a letter.

hello my dear gerard.

when you wake up I won't be here. 

I have left. 

I am not going to tell you where I have gone. 

Because I don't want you to come looking for me. 

because its not safe. 

I love you. I want you to know that. 

I love you with all my heart. 

you showed me everything I have ever wanted to see and more. 

you showed me a guy can love a girl and be loyal to her. 

and that love really does exist and its not something in fairy tales. 

you are my everything. 

my best friend 

my comrade 

my lover 

my singing partner 

my partner in crime 

my bettter half.

you make me happy 

you magnify my other half.

I love you Gerard Arthur Way 

and I always will.

xoxo 

Bella Black

ps. 

you are my only exception 

and you made me believe.

and with that I got dressed. 

put on my shoes and stood at the door frame of our room 

and watched him. 

I could have died. 

but I knew I was doing this not for me but for him.

I looked at him sleeping peacefully and I slipped on his leather jacket.