This is How I Disappear

Sorry (Gerard)

I was determined

determined to tell her that I liked her a lot

maybe even loved her

I was ready and determined

but it didn't matter anymore after what I saw when I came back to the bus

where I was expecting to find her

I wasn't prepared for that

anything but that

and there she was

she was there holding hands with Bob and talking and he was looking at her

with such happiness with in his eyes

and she was happy

I wasn't expecting that.

I just stood there not moving or saying anything I just stood there and stared.

and Ray, Frank, and Mikey walked in

and saw what I saw

Frank was the first to comment on their holding of hands

"Hey!! you two?! Really?"

"Yeah man, I just asked her today and she said yes."

"Oh congrats man!"

"Thanks"

Ray and Mikey said their congrats also

I just stood there

and then I turned around and left

I couldn't stand to see them together

I should have kissed her

I should have kissed her and then that would have been us

us smiling, looking into each other eyes

all that happiness

and affection

fuck my life man

fuck

I just ran back to where we painted earlier all the paint was still on the ground

and then I heard someone call out my name

"Gee! Gee hey!"

"Huh? oh hey Mikey."

"Why did you just walk out like that? Aren't you happy for Bob and Bella?"

"Oh ...yeah..whatvever. they seem happy."

"Gerard are you okay? you look like you got punched in the gut."

"it feels like it..."

"What?"

"Nothing I just...nothing. You think she is happy?"

"Yeah she looks...oh my god...I can't believe I didn't see it before."

"What?"

"You like her too huh?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"You like Bella!"

"No I don't Michael."

"yes yes you do.!"

"NO I FUCKING DON'T!!"

"No no you don't, you fell for her huh?"

"drop it Mikey."

"Yes you did."

"Shut up!"

"Oh man this sucks."

"I don't want to talk about it man. "

"Gee I am sorry."

"Don't just don't Mikey please."

"Okay I won't."

"I was going to tell her, but I guess its too late now."

"I am so sorry Gerard."

"Yeah me too. just leave me alone for a bit Mikes I will be there before it's time, to change into my stage clothes. I will warm up here. just leave me be."

"Alright. you know I love you Gee. and I am here."

"I know and I love you too Mikes."