This is How I Disappear

Talent

"Love you?! HA!! how could anyone ever love you! you are scrawny, ugly and useless!!.

Now shut up and clean this fucking pig sty or I will give you something to cry about!!!

Shut up!"

Three days straight in a row

this ghoulish nightmare

over and over again

I can feel all the impact on my body everywhere that woman hit me

and I always wake up the same way

screaming and crying

and Gerard always there

and gone when I scream at him to go away

and each time that same hurt look on his face

but I can't just tell him

I can't tell anyone

but the lack of sleep is starting to get to me

"Whoa Bell, you don't look so well. Maybe you should lie down."

"No Frankie I am fine."

"You sure because you look like me and Bob after playing Guitar Hero the whole night."

"ha ha, no I am sure I am fine, I just haven't been sleeping well thats all."

"do you want me to get mikey?"

"No."

"Bob? Ray? Gerard?"

I giggled he was sweet

"No hun I am fine. I am just going to sit here and relax."

"Oh no you aren't!"

"What?"

He ran to the back and came back with his guitar and handed it to me

"Uh?...."

"If you can't sleep, you will learn to play!"

"No its fin-"

"I am not taking no as an answer!"

"Bu-"

"No buts either!

So I strapped on the guitar and just played whatever popped into my head

It just came to me it was so weird

like I already knew what I was doing

and when I finished

Frank just looked at me with this shocked

"What? why are you looking at me that way?"

"I just....I never..."

"Was I that horrible?"

"No! it not that."

"Then?"

"You are incredible! Where did you learn to play like that?!!"

"I don't know honestly it just came natural to me."

"I think you are better than me and ray put together."

"Really?"

"Yeah man this is fucking amazing!!. Play something else!"

"Ummm...okay."

I just play whatever

I can play guitar

I just wonder how can I?

I have a talent

A talent that just came out of nowhere maybe this might

be a clue to who I was before the guys

maybe this can help me remember somehow

"How do you mind showing me some of your songs?"

"yeah sure!! but you might want to ask Ray because I am pooped!."

"ha ha okay."

now on the hunt for Ray!!

"Ray!!"

"Huh?"

"Ray Toro where are you?!"

"In my bunk!!"

"Hey."

"Hey whats up Bella?"

"Well I was wondering if you can teach me the bands songs?"

"Can you play?"

"Yeah I can."

"Alright then lets get set up and start come with me."

"Shall we?."