This is How I Disappear

I smiled at the fact..

I walked holding the piece of paper with my brother's number and made my way to the stadium.

The roars didn't help drown out the image of my father's face out of my head.

I looked like him...we looked like him.

I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out the photo and smiled.

I wished I could remember but I couldn't.

It made me a bit sad but the photo made up for it.

I went to the side of the stage and sat down where I can see the crowd and see the guys.

I was too distracted to do anything else but stare at the photo.

A smile was permanently plastered onto my face but a booming voice soon brought me out of my thoughts.

"Hey guys look I fucked my real bad with my girl tonight. And I made her really mad. And I was wondering if you can help me apologize to her by helping of me think of ways to."

What the fuck is he doing?

"any ideas?"

"give her flower!"

"sing her a song!"

"draw her something."

"well lets see when we first started to get to know each other I drew her something so that's out, I sing to her all the time so that's not special anymore, so this flower thing compels me, tell me more."

"give her her favorites!"

"See problem is guys that I don't know what they are."

"Ask her!"

"I don't know if she will talk to me."

"Just ask!"

"alright...Bells? You here?"

I stood up and walked onto the stage with the photo in my hand.

"Bells sugar can I ask you something?"

"Uh yeah...I guess."

"What is your favorite kind of flower?"

I don't know the answer to that.

Seriously I didn't.

"I umm..they...are...uh."

I looked at the crowd hoping to find answer and I found it.

I saw Matt's face...and he was mouthing the word

"lilies?"

He nodded

"My favorites are lilies!"

"I will remember. And this one is for you sugar."

They launched into the song and I went off stage and danced around like an idiot and enjoyed myself.

Smiling at one more thing I found out.

I like lilies.

Matt was like my other half that I have been missing, and the one that could tell me everything that happened and how it happened. The thing that happened between our dad and that woman, how I got here, everything.

I think I will call him.

I will tell Gerard to avoid another jealous fit.

I didn't like it.

I went back to the bus before the show was over and just laid down in our bunk, waiting.

"Bells you in here?"

"Yeah I am in our bunk"

"hey..I am...I just...sorry."

"There are some things I have to tell you Gerard."

"Alright tell."

"I don't like being yelled at, so never do it again, two you have no reason to be jealous, and three it was kind of hot."

"one I won't ever do it again sugar, two I believe you, and three really?"

"yeah...so how about them lilies?"

"Yeah what about them lilies?"

He brought out these huge bouquet of lilies of different colors.

"Oh gee you didn't have to."

"Yes I did."

"well alright."

"Come here you."

He kissed me like he never had before.

Not careful like he was more passionate, more fire in this one.

He ended up on top of me and I reached to take off his shirt when....

"hey gee we are back!!"

"Hey where are you guys?"

"shh gee, hey hands!"

"Babe..."

"Oh my gosh....they are."

Oh gosh frank don't say it.

"They are making babies!!!!"

And there he goes.

"We are not!"

I managed to fall out of the bunk and show that I still had my clothes on

"See no baby making here!"

"yeah yeah whatever you say bells."

"Now if you don't mind I am going to lay down next to my boyfriend."

"baby makers!"

"Frank!"

"I swear that boy is going to tell everyone what we do."

"Tell me about it. Known him for years and he tells everyone the most embrassing things about you."

"Ay. But you know...that was different..I think we would have gone all the way if they weren't here."

"True my dear but that cannot happen again while they are here."

"really because I was enjoying it.."

"hahaha maybe we will try another time sugar but not while they are here okay?"

"Okay. Hey there is something I have to tell you."

"Yeah?"

"I am going to be calling Matt from time to time and I was wondering if you will be okay with that?"

"Of course I will be he is your brother I will not stop you from talking to him okay?"

"Thanks. I love you."

"I love you too babe. Don't forget that."

"I won't."

I was going to find out who I was, where I came from and how.

And me and Gerard are getting ready to take the next level.

Things are looking up....finally.

I pulled out my photograph and looked at it again and smiled.

Gee held me closer and asked

"who is that?"

"That's Matt, and that right there...that's my dad."

"You look exactly like him.."

"yeah I do don't I?"

I look like my dad

I smiled at the fact.