The smile-less girl

Six

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Someone was picking me up bodily. I can feel hands wrapping around my waist. I was scared again but I couldn't do anything. I don't know if it was an impulsive feeling, but I felt safe, as if I could, just a bit, trust the person.

I felt a palm touch my forehead then my neck. Their hand felt icy under the burning sensation I felt all over my body. I felt frightened. What was that person doing?

"Oh my god" the person gasped after touching my skin. "Yeri, are you okay?" I heard the panic in his voice. It's a male. After he called out my name, I realised my saviour was Jungkook.

I don't know why but whenever I feel lonely, he always pops up. His presence makes my days despite the fact I know barely anything about him. I want too, but I can't.

He will find out sooner or later and I still can't fully trust him. Actually, I can't trust anyone.

I can't see, so how am I supposed to trust or love someone?

"Yeri! Yeri!" He continuously called my name out. I wanted to wake up and say I'm okay. There's nothing to worry about. Oddly enough, I couldn't do neither of those things. I urge itched me to, but peculiarly it was hard to move. Was I paralysed? I began to dread everything.

What did I do to deserve such torture? Everything was always against me.

I felt wind gushing at my fragile skin as I lay still, but oddly enough I felt warm. Jungkook wrapped me up with his coat, I think. I was very soft with occasional rigid details, which were probably the decoration of the buttons on his jacket.

Why was I still here? At least he could take me inside. I'm sure I'm not so heavy. Actually, I don't even know how I look like. I guess that's a positive of being blind; you don't have to dwell over how you look like or the flaws you have. I might be a hideous creature, but there's nothing I can do, so I let it be. I hear girls complaining that they have pimples and I've always wondered what they were until I learnt in science during the reproduction unit. I hear girls saying they have a thigh gap. I was worried for the girls. I mean who would like to have a whole inside their leg? So I went and asked mum and she said I had one too. I freaked out. I recall gasping aloud while mum was trying to reassure me saying that it's nothing bad and those girls would like to have one. Till this day, I still wonder why...

I'm not as narrow-minded as you may think, though. I know what makeup is and where you have a apply it and Ialso know how to ride a bike although I have never ridden it outside my house before. Dad actually thought me when I was 5 but since then I haven't ridden it on the pavements of Seoul.

My hearing is also very good. I can hear Jungkook's breaths right now. I think he must be sitting on the bench. He doesn't seem so calm; rather stressed. I can hear the friction between his hands and trousers as he tries to wipe offthe clammy substance on his palms.

I heard loud sirens. They somehow got closer and closer. If Jungkook called the ambulance, he will find out. I forced myself to get up. I tense my body feeling dizzy all of a sudden. I gasp for air, opening my eyes to see... nothing.

Just pure darkness. The calm darkness that I despised so much. I want to see colours: see the glow of the moonlight; the muddle of colours in the sky from different stars; velvety cherry blossom petals.

That's all I've ever wanted. I wouldn't feel so alone in this pit of darkness that sadistically welcomed me every time I opened my eyes. It was always there. Nonetheless, after slumber, I always had some hope that one day I would open my eyes to see daylight, to see how I look like, to see how Jungkook looked like.

I imagined him to be very handsome, with a sharp jawline; exotically brown eyes, luscious soft brown hair. I'm sure he isn't the centre of attention for no reason. I never had a liking for those guys that play with girls as if they're toys and dump them when they get bored. But I could tell Jungkook was different. Just by his voice and how politely he greets the teacher, you can tell a lot about him. It could just be me that can tell a lot since I've got the experience, but I'm quite positive he is a good person.

Why would a guy like him keep talking to me? I really don't know.
So many girls literally get lifted off the floor as he passes by. That's the way I can tell if he is close and also by the sound of his footsteps. They're really gentle.

I can hear him release a loud breath while smiling. It's weird but I can't just tell he's smiling.

"Yeri? Are you okay?" My eyes were fully open now though I still couldn't see anything.

"Jung- Jungkook?" My voice trembles a bit as I could sense the close proximity between us. "What happened?"

"I just happened to be passing by and I saw you. You were really pale And you seem to have passed out. I called the ambulance-"

"I- I don't need an ambulance"

"You do. Now grab my arm" the panic struck once again. I couldn't see his hand.

"It's really fine. I'm heading home. Thank you for the help" I slightly smiled.

"Okay, but can I, at least, take you home?" I didn't know how to answer that. Why would a guy like him want to take me home?

"I'm sure you have other things to do. I won't bother you"

"Yeri..." He suddenly took hold my hand gently "are you fine to walk?"

I nod, feeling his cold hands as he grabs mine. I'm happy he took the initiative at this moment because I wouldn't know what to do. His hand moulded onto mine. I've never felt this feeling before. I felt a weird sensation in my stomach and I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks.

He led me through the building. The floor crept underneath our feet, feeling safe under his hold of my hand. Conventionally, the only thing running through my head as I walked were numbers "1,2,3,4,5,6,7" I count my steps. I've memorised how to walk around the whole school already and back home. But now I felt at ease. I could just walk knowing that I won't be colliding with things hurting myself. He got out a wide grin from me and it was just an automatic response.

His hands were beginning to warm up now. He must have been really cold outside without a jacket.

"Jungkook, I'm sorry I made you stay with me. I don't actually recall what happened to me"

"You don't have to apologise. It was my choice and I wanted to stay"

"Than-thank you" was my reply.

I don't think anyone has shown such concern for me, well apart from my mama of course. I don't get to hear her voice very often. She works at the hospital and takes up night shifts most of the time.

But there are times where we talk a lot and have chats about boys once she's free. No not my boys, my mum's boyfriend. He's a nice guy if you ask me. But still no one can replace dad.

Maybe I should tell her about Jungkook and how he is so kind to me?

What is the reason why Jungkook cares so much? My consciousness is telling me he might know about my blindness. Is he just doing this out of pity?

A paramedic started talking to Jungkook about me asking a few questions while i just keep my head down, as we are out of the building that smells like rust and dust (well that rhymed inadvertently). The ambulance strolled off soon enough and the engine could no longer be heard.

"Do you like books Yeri?" He suddenly asked while tightening his grip on my palm.

"Yes I do, indeed"

My books are different. The letters are 3D and I read while tracing each one of them, but I got the hang of it now so I read faster. It was difficult as first because I couldn't make out which letter is which and I grew frustrated because the blindness I have stopped me from enjoying reading so much.

We walk out and the slush that was there in the morning has vanished. It's better like this.

"What about you?" I ask in return, sincerely inquisitive about his answer.

I want to get to know him more...

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