Endless || Dan Howell x reader (sequel to Unbroken)

author's note

TW//// mentions of depression and anxiety.

Okay, so I normally wouldn't talk about this in an author's note because this is definetly not the place for it and it's not really something I talk about, but I feel like I owe you guys an explanation. There are a few reasons why I take so long to update this story. I am not asking for attention or pity, I'm writing this purely to inform you.

As you all may or may not know, I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. They're not self-diagnosed, I actually have been to a psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with both of these things in early December 2014. The reasons for not updating are mostly revolved around this.

Alright. First off, I lost my best friend of 6 years in January. I honestly still don't completly understand what happened between us.
I was talking to her about my anxiety and school problems one day. To be clear, she had always understood my depression and anxiety before hand, and she always completly supported me, through therapy and all. She was the one I would talk to when I was down about anything.
When I was talking to her that day, she just blew up at me, saying how I needed to snap out of it and rethink my life, that I was just being stupid, idiotic and craving attention.
Needless to say, it crushed me. I basically stopped talking to anyone, online and in real life, and shut myself down. I still have trouble with it. She was really the only one who was there for me at the time I was diagnosed and every minute before and after that. I thought she was the one who completly understood, but apperently I was wrong. We haven't spoken since then.

As stated before, I do go to weekly therapy sessions, and have been since September of 2015. I could lie and say "yeah, therapy changed my life! A complete turnaround." But, I won't.
I hate therapy. Absolutely hate it. I feel like it's pushed me farther down into the dark, and it's not really helping me the way it should be.
It just makes me more depressed, knowing that I can't get out of this on my own, that I need the "help" of complete strangers who are telling me exactly how I should be living my life. My mom pretty much has to force me to go to my therapist's office every week. I really fucking hate therapy.

As it is for most teenagers, school is hell for me. But I would honestly rather go to therapy than go to school, so you can see how much I hate school aswell. Just walking in the hallway is a task, especially if it's crowded. Anxiety is a bitch.
I'm failing all of my classes at the moment, because I miss too many days. I don't have many friends, but the ones I do have would leave me in a heartbeat if something or someone better came up.

There are days where I wish I could just give up. There always have been, but it's been a lot worse due to recent events. Believe me, I have been trying. Not just with writing, but with everything else.

I have had the help of my super amazing best friend Thatcherphancakes (go follow her whoops) and she has been really supportive of me, along with all of you, which I am extremely greatful for. Thank you all so much.

I'm sorry this is not an update, but I just felt the need to let you guys know what has been happening. If you took the time to read this, then thank you. I hope to update soon.

Xoxo

~breanna