Pieces of Forever

38 - MELISSA

"Can you hear me?" I whisper, stroking his chin.

It aches my heart to see him like this.

I bring my hand back to his and give it a light squeeze. "I'm right here. Always and forever, baby."

I bend down and kiss his forehead, still holding onto his hand. Tears finally surface to my eyes. There are no words in any dictionary to describe the feelings that I have right now. I can't do anything for this man, but pray that God helps him get through this stronger than ever.

I close my eyes, letting my tears fall down my cheeks. My biggest fear is that he won't make it through this. My body shakes as I sob quietly with my forehead against his. I squeeze his hand a little tighter, letting my tears fall onto his face.

"I love you so much. I always have. Always will. If you leave me . . . I swear I wouldn't be able to make it. Do you hear me?" I rub my nose with his like we used to do when we first started falling in love with one another. "I need you. We might be having a baby."

I open up my eyes to look at his face, realizing that I'm making his face all wet with my tears. I give a sad smile, because I know that he wouldn't care. He would probably tell me not to cry and everything will be alright. I kiss his lips softly and close my eyes again, resting my forehead against his.

"We have so many things to do together. Please don't do this to us. Please. You have to go to college and become this big time doctor and save the world." I really can't stop my tears from falling as I talk to him. "Leslie is having your baby in less than a couple months. You don't want to miss the birth of your first child. Your nineteenth birthday is coming up." I choke up a little at mentioning his birthday. "I owe you a party, because you threw me a party for my eighteenth." I smile a little, remembering how my birthday brought us closer together.

I kiss the tip of his nose as I cry harder. I really can't stop these damn tears from falling. I feel so fucking weak. I fall to my knees on the floor and put my hands together to say a prayer. I lay my head on his bed. I really don't know what I can possibly say to God that I haven't said already.

"If he ever leaves . . . " I start off in shaky voice. "I can't live without him. Please . . . You can take away anything of mine. Just let him be alright. You can take my last breath. He doesn't deserve any of this. How do you expect me to survive without him? He is like the air in my lungs. If you take him away from me, you might as well take away everything in my life . . . Including my life." I sob louder at my own words. I've never believed that I can live without Jason. The time that we weren't together, I was just really good at faking it. I knew in my heart that it was just temporary, but this feels like something permanent. It took something drastic like this for me to see where my heart is at.

"Please open your eyes, baby. I need you." I beg, grabbing his hand and squeezing. "I'm here and waiting. You're not alone."

I stand up and look down at him just laying there. I don't think he heard my cries and the begging I just did. I look sadly around the room. This is a completely helpless mess. I bend down and take a seat on the floor by his bed. I don't even want to sit in a chair. I reach and grab his hand and just hold onto him, closing my eyes. This can't be my life.

*****

I have the chair pulled up alongside of Jason's bed, curled up in it, staring at his face. I haven't been able to sleep for more than a couple hours, since coming to his room. I haven't been able to eat anything. Him recovering is the only thing on my mind. Until he comes home, I will be right by his side waiting patiently.

His mother and father come and visit him, but they don't stay for more than a few hours. His father has to tend to his office and his mom can't bear seeing her son so lifeless. I can't bear it either, but I will be by side, until he opens his pretty hazel eyes.