Obsession

Ch 20 - Snug As a Bug

"What? You and Brandi broke up?"

"Yep. It turns out she's been fucking around with another dude the past two months. A supposed friend of mine." He continued to look down at his hands, and shook his head slightly. After a minute or so, he shrugged, and finally made eye contact. He was obviously hurt. But I also read something else in his eyes that I couldn't exactly figure out.

"I'm sorry, Ashton." I really was, because he'd told me that he loved her. But if that was the type of person she was, then he was better off without her. Then again, he'd cheated on her, too. But their situations weren't exactly comparable in my opinion.

He took my hand and wrapped both of his around it. My hand disappeared in his giant ones. He noticed because he smiled and said, "Your hands are tiny."

I smiled back at him and we simply stared at each other for a minute. It wasn't awkward like it usually is for me to look at someone directly in the eye for any amount of time. I was oddly at ease.

He continued explaining, "We were arguing, as usual, and she admitted that she's been a bitch lately because she's been trying to get me to break up with her. She wanted me to be the bad guy and end it so she didn't feel so guilty about cheating. And I get that, because she's the one who ended it, and I somehow feel less guilty now."

"Ashton, what you did was several months ago. She said she forgave you, so you have no reason to feel so guilty about it still."

He chuckled and said, "That's not even what I'm talking about. Never mind."

Suddenly, I realized something that really pissed me off. "This has been going on for two months, yet she chooses to do this now, at the very end of the tour? What was waiting two more days going to hurt at this point?! Two fucking days until the tour is over, Ashton. Oh my God. I don't know her, but surely to God she has enough heart and common sense to let you enjoy these last couple of shows without a breakup hanging over your head. What a sorry ass bitch."

"I know, I thought the same thing. But that's two less days of questioning myself why I was even staying with her lying ass. I mean, I've loved her for a long time. But with things the way they've been for a while, I haven't really been in love with her. You know what I mean?"

I acknowledged his question with a nod. There's definitely a difference between loving someone and being in love with them.

He continued, "But it still hurts. I've never been involved with someone like that before. We've been in a bad place for a few months, but I kept thinking it would pass, probably after the tour ended and we could spend more time together again. But at the same time, I kept thinking about..."

His pause was killing me. "About what?"

"About what it would be like to not be tied down to her. To be able to be with someone else."

"Oh. Like someone else in general, or someone in particular?"

He snickered. "You should be an interviewer or psychiatrist or something. You really like to analyze shit."

I didn't know if he thought that was a good or bad thing. "Sorry. Just tell me to back off if I get too nosy. It's ingrained in my head to ask questions and get to the bottom of things, I guess. It's what nurses do. I know I'm not being a nurse right now, but I'm just saying. So, yeah, I'll shut up now." My face was warm with embarrassment. Though he never seemed to mind, I felt I'd overstepped my boundaries again.

"No, don't get me wrong, I don't mean that in a bad way. It's just another way that you're different from anyone I know. No one else gives a rat's ass about my feelings. And that's why I feel like a complete dick for earlier. I know you thought I was blowing you off."