A Deadly First Love

Chapter 21

            The smile I had plastered on my face completely fell, my eyebrows all but flew over the moon and my eyes almost meet the sun. I'm your mate? But. I know what I said before. I know I said I was in love with Jonathan and I had always been in love. I know I said that nothing could ever change that and that if I had a second chance I’d take it. I know I love him, I feel it when he touches me and when he complements me. I feel it when he looks at me and when he innocently holds my hand. But there’s only so much a girl can take. I admit I love him beyond belief and that I'd probably take a bullet for him, even if he wouldn’t die from it. And sure I want to be by his side for the rest of my life and never have to worry about his devotion to me. A mate never falls out of love with you, they never waver. Their feelings are always there standing strong, like those British soldiers outside Buckingham palace.

            But I'm human. I've been in love with him since I met him. I've been completely devoted to him since the moment he claimed me as his girlfriend. But that was 5 years ago. When I was innocent and naïve. Back when he hadn't hurt me. I know as a mate he would never, could never hurt me but he's already inflected too many wounds and every time I see him I only feel like crying from happiness, anger, and sadness. As much as I was happy I was his mate and as much as I love him, I don't think I could ever be with him.

            I blinked a couple times and looked away. “Sorry, but I live by F.L.I.R.T.”

            “What's that?” He asked the same time the girls said, “Uhoh.”

            “Fuck Love I Rather Tease.”

            “He's your mate though!”

            “You love him,”

            “And he loves you!”

            “There's no way around that!”

            “You two are always going to be devoted to each other!”

            “Don't play hard to get.”

            All the girls went bonkers. I wasn't sure who said what but I was sure I was about to cry any moment. I took a step forward trying to get out of the crazy attack.

            “Girls stop.” I heard Jonathan and Mario say at the same time. I had tears in my eyes but this time I didn't care if they saw. This was a pain I could never hide away. This was the one pain I never succeeded in hiding. It was probably because it was the first time I was truly hurt by someone I love. I never loved my father so his abuse didn’t emotionally hurt me but everything I've been through with Jonathan did. It hurt me so much that I was never able to fully recover from it.

            I walked to the door in silence with my head held high and tears in my eyes as I continued to hear the fuss behind me. I stopped short as I opened the door feeling the cool air against my skin. “We may be mates, but there's only so much I can take and he crossed that limit the moment he told me the way he truly felt about me. Five years ago.” I opened the door wider and stepped outside. “I'll meet you all there.”

            I closed the door and got into the car. I waited for him to drive out before bursting into uncontrollable tears. That was the one thing I never wanted to think about. Those words he said to me when I asked him about cheating on me. It shattered my heart.

            He laughed. “You never meant anything to me. I just wanted to fuck you but you never gave it up. You’re not even pretty. I'm so happy were over and I'm moving.” He went silent for a few moments while he played with something. “Do you even know how many times I cheated on you? God you are an idiot. A stupid slut. I still can't believe you only let me finger and eat you out and you never gave me anything in return.”

            “I loved you!”

            “Who gives a shit about love? I'm a player baby. You said it yourself.”

            “You don't mean it.” I was on the verge of tears.

            “I do baby. I gotta go my new girlfriend's here and damn is she sexy.” Click.

            I had purposely put it to the back of my head. I had never wanted to think those words again but them telling me we were meant to be together only made me pain so much worst because I truly do still want to be with him. But I know if I stay with him I’ll be the one who continues to get hurt and I’ll be the stupid one who stayed by his side.

            When we got to the school I was still crying. I didn’t want to go inside. I told the driver to leave and drive around for a few while I got the address to a friend’s house. I took out my phone and ignored the ten missed calls and thirty messages and dialed a number that was starting to be engraved in my mind.

            My voice cracked as I spoke. “Ricardo?”