∆Blue Neighborhøød∇ Jøshler

Chapter 7: Love Is Dangerous *MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING*

Love, love is dangerous.
Love, love is so dangerous.
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MAJOR Trigger warning please stay safe. Do not read this chapter if it will trigger you.
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What do I do know?
I should have knew better than to be so careless with any PDA.
Josh totally knows I'm gay, bisexual at least now.
Jesus, he hates me now.

I don't even bother with trying to text or call him and explain how 'sorry' I am.

I don't have anything to be sorry for. If I have to apologize for being myself, then I'm certainly not in a healthy relationship with my best friend.

I told you josh wouldn't be your friend forever. You finally screwed everything up.

When Josh leaves, blurry returns.

Josh and I never really fought. I mean, yeah we'd argue but within thirty minutes of receiving the silent treatment from both ends we'd instantly hug it out.

I have a feeling we won't be hugging it out in thirty minutes today....

I told you Josh wasn't gay. He doesn't like fags like you. You should just kill yourself, Tyler, really. No one would miss you. You already lost Josh, the one who you were never supposed to lose.

I shake my head and wipe at the tears falling from my eyes.

Maybe I'm overreacting.
Maybe Josh is just angry that I was hanging out with some one else?

God, I'm so pathetic and stupid. Of course he hates me.

Just go end it Tyler. Take the pills in your cabinet. Too much of anything can kill you, or at least attempt. If you fail at that, you can always try again. I'm your only friend, Tyler. I'm trying to help you.

It gets harder and harder to fight blurry. He attacks me at my weakest moments; usually when I'm alone and I can't fight him, no, not on my own.

Blurry is not my thoughts.
Blurry is not me.
Blurry is dangerous, and he's got me right where he wants me; vulnerable and alone.

I walk into my bathroom and look in the mirror.

That was a mistake.

When I'm standing in front of the mirror I only see my flaws.

My teeth are crooked, not cute crooked like Josh's either.

My eyes are brown like dirt.

My face is round and not sculpted like Josh's.

You can end it all right now, Tyler....

The thought of Josh can't stop me now.
It only makes me weaker, and blurry feeds on my weakness

However, I can't leave without a goodbye.

To Jishua: I'm sorry. I love you.

I press send and grab the bottle of pills from my cabinet and turn it within my fingers.

Can I really do this?
I've never attempted such a thing in my life.

It's what you need to do Tyler.

I cry harder and clutch the pill bottle to my chest.

My mom. My dad. They'll be okay.  Josh will be okay.
Everyone will be okay without me.

I slowly open the bottle and pour the contents in my hand.

My sleeping pills, that my doctor prescribed to help me sleep.

I admire the light blue shade that the capsules are, and I take one between my fingers in my other hand.

They'll help you, Tyler. Remember, just like Dr.Leonard said. Just take them.

But, can I really kill myself?

TYLER, QUIT BEING SELFISH AND TAKE THE PILLS. CAN'T YOU SEE YOU'RE ONLY HURTING EVERYONE AROUND YOU?

But, can I really kill myself?
Yeah, I can. I can do it for Josh. I love him and I don't want to keep hurting him.
This is for Josh.

YOUR PARENTS ARE BARELY HOME BECAUSE THEIR SON IS AN OVERSENSITIVE CRYBABY.

JOSH JUST FOUND OUT YOU WERE GAY.SOMETHING THAT HE IS HIGHLY AGAINST.

WHY DO YOU DISAPPOINT EVERYONE?

TAKE THE PILLS!

"OKAY!" I yell and go to pour the pills into my mouth, but the door to my bathroom is swinging open.

There stands Josh, and I know that I've once again failed.

I try to swallow what I can, but I only manage a few before a teary eyed Josh is forcefully unclamping my hand that holds the pills.

He's screaming at me.
His face is red and tears are flowing down his face at a rapid pace, but I can't hear anything.

I'm motionless as everything slowly starts to spin and I go numb.

My eyes close and I let the smallest smile appear across my lips.

Maybe I didn't fail after all.

______{A/N}______
Yeah, I hate myself too.

If you haven't figured it out yet the bold is blurry.

^^those are actually my sleeping pills 😂

It really pains me to right chapters like this because 1.) Tyler is my bean and I would never in a million years wish for this to happen.
2.) I know people truly go through this, and for that I'm sorry. I know you don't want my pity, but just know that I along with many others can see that you don't deserve to feel like this.

I'm always here message me or add me on snapchat BeckahC11 I truly love every one of you guys.

Stay alive guys |-/

Q: Life goal?

A: I want to meet Tyler and call him a bean while holding him in my arms and whispering ' I love you my smol bean child' . I also just really want to make out with Josh tbh.