What Now? (Liam Payne) [BWWM] 2016

Toya (4 months)

Washing carrot and cucumber juice from my hands is proving to be quite the challenge.

At least the garnish for the super buttery home made corn bread looks perfect. Stowing the food on the far table, my boss and I clean up the kitchen we use for our blog posts, chatting idly while washing dishes and wiping down counters.

She has the television on to one of my favorite morning shows and I smile at the guest, earning a sly smile from my boss.

Liam looks relaxed and poised as he answers questions and makes jokes with the two hosts. He seems completely confident as he talks about his music and I'm so proud of him.

"What about your love life?" The male host inquires, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "Word on the street is there's a special lady running around New York with you."

My boss also pauses to watch as Liam's ears tiny red, the smile escaping him before he can help it.

"We wish to keep our private lives private, but yes, she's amazing."

The host nods, pressing. "Some of your fans say you two have quite the interesting story." Liam visibly starts sitting straighter, his relaxed stance growing defensive. I don't realize I'm gripping a cleaning cloth until my boss, rests a reassuring hand on mine.

"I went through it too with my husband." She soothes.

Eyes darting back to the television, I see a few photos Liam has posted scrolling across the screen, some fan shots included and I zero in on his growing annoyance. None of the pictures show my face, or were taken from a distance, still.

He doesn't want to have our life become another public thing, open to opinions and scrutiny.

"Just here to talk about the music man, we're happy though."

The hosts nod, still pushing. "I'd imagine so. Congrats on the pregnancy by the way."

Color slightly drains from Liam's face and his bright eyes grow shuttered. Smiling tightly he nods.

"Yeah, thanks."

The host seems to realize he's said too much and the rest of the interview is tense and awkward, a clear change from earlier. My boss looks over at me and I offer her a sheepish smile.

We weren't ready to let the world in on our happiness.

I accept her hug and pregnancy tips that got her through pregnancy with both of her daughters. Promising to give her advice a try, we finish cleaning up and put the food into Tupperware to give out to the homeless.

Shrugging on my sweater, I slip my infinity midi ring back on my ring finger and pull my hair back into a ponytail, throwing a baseball hat over it. Loading the food into the car, we drop some off at a local shelter that we donate what we cook to. Then we hand out individually packaged meals to thankful homeless people a few blocks away.

It's as if Liam knows the moment I step into my hotel lobby, my phone ringing. Sliding the screen I answer and assure him for the sixth time since the interview that I'm fine. Seeing the security he mandated travel with me sweeping the hall and then my room, I plop on the corner of the bed, kicking off my shoes and crawling towards the fluffy pillows, feeling a bit tired.

"I'm not ready to share you with the world." He murmurs, exhaustion seeping into his voice.

Cradling the phone between my ear and shoulder, I braid the ends of my hair. "This changes nothing babe, we still continue on our terms, not theirs."

He sighs.

"Come home soon, I miss you."

"First flight out tomorrow. Baby and I need to rest up." He agrees and we say our "I love yous" before disconnecting.

Restless with how upset Liam is, I wonder to myself "how are people allowed to just insert themselves into your private life like that?" Hands covering my stomach protectively, I wonder. "They know I'm pregnant. Now what? Are they going to tail Liam and I everywhere we go?"

I sigh, questions firing in my mind, but the most prevalent being:

"Now What?