Avengers Texts

The One Where Everything Is Explained And No One Is Confused

"What does Maria have to do with that?"

"Well originally she was supposed to go with them, but Fury changed that at the last minute and then she and Natasha broke up, which was totally Fury's doing, and then when Natasha came back it was like, awkward, and now Maria is going with May to... Somewhere. Something. I have no idea. Good job on remembering her name again."

"I'm salty about Nat being all secretive and ridiculous on this Maria thing."

"Same? This house has enough drama."

"So Foggy came here to yell at Matt because he didn't know where Matt was, but that's sorted out now-"

"Yes."

"-And Tony and Steve were fighting because Steve thinks... What? He's mad Tony's gone all the time?"

"He doesn't agree with Tony's way of flitting about. Like, in general, but they don't agree on a lot of stuff. And Steve is probably mad that he's cheating, now, too. But he thought that before."

"But Tony isn't! Also, flitting about? Really?"

"I know he isn't! And shut up," Sam threw a handful of cereal at Clint's face.

"Real mature," Clint glared.

Sam stuck out his tongue.

"You've got some Frosted Flakes in your hair, there, Barton," Bucky said, leaning against the wall by the fridge. Both of the other men jumped.

"When did you get there?!" Clint demanded.

"I've been here since 'seeing balls'."

"You gotta teach me how to do that."

"Do not teach him how to do that. Please," Sam turned to Bucky and put emphasis on the last word. "He is bad enough as it is."

"I am not!"

"Shush. Come sit with us," Sam patted a space on the kitchen island next to him and scooted over. Bucky paused for a split second before walking over.

"I am concerned about what Thor is going to do to Tony," Bucky stated, watching as Sam methodically threw pieces of cereal into Clint's mouth.

"Yeah, same?" Sam said. "Like, it was funny at first, but I think Steve broke the lab, and he went upstairs, which leads me to believe he's going to break Bruce's lab, which, now that I'm thinking about it..."

"Yeah, that's not safe," Clint shook his head.

"Nuh uh."

"I almost went blind in there. I can't be blind and deaf, that'd be..."

"And he never cleans, I think the mysterious red pool of goo is still just there."

"I think he's afraid of it," Bucky added. "I thought I saw it move the other day. And it's probably going to eat a hole in the floor."

"Right?!"

"...GUYS! If I was deaf and blind I would be like me and Daredevil had a baby! Except it'd be me! And I'd be twice as awesome!"

Clint was met with blank stares.

"What?"

"First of all, you being blind would be a disaster. And it would crush Bruce. And you can't just wish for a disability, that's, like, two hundred kinds of fucked up," Sam listed.

Bucky nodded in agreement.

"I wasn't wishing, I was just saying, hypothetically, if Bruce had blinded me. Throw me more cereal."