Under The Sea

Chapter Twenty-three

            I embraced the cold ocean breeze in elation, as if it were my best friend. The sand tickled the skin between my toes, it was an odd feeling. Aran's strong arm was wrapped around my shoulder as we stared into the salty water that had been darkened by the hanging moon above us. It was nice. Standing there, with him, watching my home sway calmly with the shore, dancing to the beat of the current.  I turned to him, disappointment and doubt shined brightly in my eyes. I was disappointed that I had to leave him, because even though I had yet to be away from him, I knew that it would be agony. The frustration in his eyes showed the feeling was mutual. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jacin walk away, preparing to shift, and perhaps to allow us the delicacy of privacy.  

           Aran leaned down and planted a chaste kiss on my cheek, and when his eyes met mine, I saw tender, innocent love standing there beautifully. It was a love that was knew to the story, a love so soft and silky, that one might not even know it were there. A love as deep as the ocean, perhaps deeper. A love that could only be shared between two soul mates. I didn't know what he saw in my eyes, the emotions that were creating a tornado inside me were indecipherable. I was unable to comprehend what I was feeling, considering that I had so much on my mind lately, it seemed my emotions had blended together. My feelings for him were definitely feelings of love and like.  

          He offered me a comfortable smile. "Don't doubt yourself, sweetheart. And think smart." His words were the words I needed to hear most desperately. I needed someone to tell me not to doubt myself, and hearing it from him, was even more igniting. His words told me that he supported me, in my leave and in my plan. It was the perfect thing to say, on a blue starry night, as it was. And suddenly I desperately wished that I could stay there, wrapped in his perfect embrace of warmth, love, and care. I wished I could avoid the problems in my life that hung over my head like a sword. More than anything, I wanted him to be there with me, to be able to pick up the small pieces of my life whenever it cracked from the stress, to worry and fret about my well being, to growl at those who dared to show an ounce of disrespect to his Luna. I wanted him there, every second, every minute, every day. I had no idea when I would be back, no idea if I would even be back, and that scared me. I had to come back. I wouldn't do that to him, I couldn't.

            Unable to meet his bright eyes, I stuffed my face into his chest and wrapped my arms tightly around his torso, squeezing as if he were thin paper that might be taken from me by the strong wind. The guilt was back, biting and even scratching at my chest. My body worked furiously to patch up the new holes, telling myself that nothing was my fault, that there was no reason to feel guilty. But I didn't want to leave him, and I felt bad that I was.

          He seemed surprised at my overly-tight hug at first, but soon, his arms wrapped around me squeezing just as tight. We had locked each other into a tight embrace. I felt his warm breath against my ear, "don't feel guilty." I heard his voice echo through my head. Yet his words couldn't stop the nagging guilt inside me. He unwrapped his arms from my body, stepping away, and gently lifted my chin up. His eyes longed for me to understand. "Don't feel guilty, Forest. You need to leave, for your kingdom. They need you and I respect that, so don't feel guilty." I averted my eyes as my lips trembled. I felt his hand at the back of my head, smoothing my hair down.

         "Look at me." I couldn't.

         "Forest, look at me." His voice was a soft demand. I did that time. "I know that you feel guilty because you're leaving here," leaving him, leaving the pack , "but everyone has their own responsibilities, and yes I would like to be apart of yours and to help you bear them, but considering that's physically impossible, I've made an exception. Now, I don't want you to feel guilty because you'll be gone handling you fairly big responsibilities. This is still your life, and you are still you. I demand you not to feel guilty." And then the guilt, slowly, agonizingly dissipated. The holes closed up and the empty feeling now felt full. His acceptance was like the soothing powers of seaweed salve to a blistering wound.