Fatal Addiction [discontinued]

Chapter 31: The Things We Do For Love

Chris

I can't help but to beat myself up for getting that hoe pregnant.

Now I'm not gonna have my kid or anybody to comfort me or satisfy my needs when I need it. Fuck it, I guess this just gives me time to better myself and work on not being stuck on having hoes.

Y'all see where that has gotten me.

I guess finally settling down with someone wouldn't be to bad but there's nobody I wanna settle down with. Well, let me rephrase that; there is someone that I wanna settle down with but that's not getting anywhere anytime soon so why bother trying anymore?

It's whatever though, I need to focus on myself and what I'm trying to do with my life anyways because I've been slippin' in basketball lately chasing after these no good females.

Coach would probably chew my ass out if I showed up to practice now but he's not gonna kick me off of the team so I'm not really worried. Plus, I have to go back some time, can't let a fear of getting yelled at stop me. My mom yells at my ass all the damn time.

I can't get drunk anymore either.

I've got a wild hangover from last night and I can honestly say that this shit doesn't feel good. My head is damn near splitting, I woke up in the middle of the day, and I can barely keep anything solid down for too long. That shit was a bad idea.

And I don't even remember much of what happened last night but I do remember threatening Raye, I was sober enough to remember that.

I meant what I said to. I'm not gonna let her off easy just because she apologized and wanted to call my phone crying today; shit doesn't work like that. You took an innocent life that was mine and yours together when I specifically told you not to because I wanted it and you expect me to forgive you? Nah, fam. You good.

I didn't wanna be with her after I found out about her and August fucking anyway. The only reason I was gonna stay was because she was carrying my baby and now she's not, so fuck that bitch.

I need to start listening to my mom more. She obviously didn't like Kayla and Raye for a damn reason. And as for India, my mom loved her and I did too honestly but my dumb ass let that shit go to waste. Now another nigga swooped in and took her right from under me.

I guess I deserved the shit for what I put her through though. I don't know, I'm just thinking about so much shit right now. My mind is racing a thousand miles per minute and it's making my headache so much worse but how could I not think about it when all of this shit went down only yesterday?

This shit is gonna be on my mind for a while and it's gonna take some time to get over it because I feel like all of this shit is my fault.

If I was a better nigga, I wouldn't be involved in all this drama. I would have the person that I want and them other bitches wouldn't mean shit to me but I'm not a good nigga and I know that.

Running my hands over my face, I groaned out in pain. I wish I could stop thinking so damn much. It's making me wanna pass out. I can't fall back asleep because the discomfort from the migraine would keep me up.

I got up and dragged my way into the kitchen to look through the fridge for some water. My mom and I were more of a soda and juice kind of people so I was surprised when I found a few bottles of water sitting on the side of the door.

I opened one of them and chugged the entire bottle down in probably fifteen seconds tops. It kind of helped take the edge off. Never thought I'd say that one. I grabbed another bottle from the fridge and closed it before making my way back into the living room to lay down on the couch.