Big Book of Character Interviews

Lucifer (@APobydd)

Hello. I'm Tali, I will be interviewing you today. May I ask what name you prefer to go by?

Well, I have many names. I mostly prefer Lucifer or the occasional Satan if my demons address me whilst I'm on my throne of souls.

You didn't bring any of them with you did you?

In truth I had thought about it.But no, there aren't any here right now. Far too vicious to be around humans, especially my right hand man Thanos. Last human he met he ended up leaving them decapitated in an alley dumpster. I wasn't particularly thrilled about that, I assure you.

*gulps loudly* Well then .. I'm most appreciative that you decided to leave Thanos out of this interview. Uh .. How old are you, might I ask?

If you wish. *smirks* 

Well, that question is hard to answer. I've been around so long that I've lost track of time seeing as I have so much of it. If you really want to know, you'd have to ask my father. I'm sure he remembers the day I rebelled, clear as day!

I imagine it would be tough to book an appointment with him. Seems like a pretty busy guy. 

Do you have any children?

*Grumbles something about angels*

*sighs*

I do not have any children, no. Despise them really. And their abnormally small hands and feet make me feel queasy to look at. I've dealt with a few demon babies in the past and even they make me cringe with their puny fangs.

*shudders*

I'll be honest, I don't plan to have children either. A lot of work.

Hmm ..*looks over list* On an unrelated note, what's your favourite colour? 

A lot of people seem to be under the assumption that the Devil's favourite colour is either red or black but personally, I prefer the refreshing colour of grey. I have a grey granite table that I dearly love.

Isn't that more of a shade?

Are you questioning my choice?!? Remember who you're speaking to human... *growls*

You're right, I'm sorry! I was thinking. *quickly moves on to the next question* Do you have any hobbies?

Well, unless you count reaping souls, taking unwilling, virgins as vessels.. *smiles to self* or ordering demons around as hobbies, no. Your human practice of golf sounds remotely interesting but the players all sound like arseholes and wear those fucking awful v-neck jumpers that look like they were knitted by their mum's... 

So no, no hobbies.

I don't think those count .. I agree the outfits are rather ..boring. Are ..er .. were ..you close to your family? Did you have a family?

I have brothers and sisters. Millions so you can just imagine what it's like at christmas... 

I do not speak to most as they are not within reach. The ones I do however, live to serve me and me only. And then of course there's daddy dearest *mocking tone*. 

But other than that, I have no other family.

I was under the assumption you were kind of.. apart, I should say, from your family for pretty ..uh... serious reasons. You still celebrate Christmas?

Did you not hear my voice dripping with sarcasm, human?

I'm sorry, I must have missed that. *turns red*

Name one thing you wish you didn't have to do every day. 

Dealing with angels. What I wouldn't give to rip every one of their heads off and drop their bodies to the earth.

That sounds a little ...excessive. Uh .. would you like me to go?

I would... but I have time to kill. You got any more questions on that list human?

I do. Three more.

What's the one thing that you like most about yourself?

My good looks of course! *winks* I'm a handsome devil aren't I?

I see what you did there. *smiles* Yeah, you're not bad on the eyes, I'll admit. Next question we can skip, since I think it's been established you're not of the human race. So.. final question. 

Do you like music?

Why thankyou darlin', even if that fact is clearly obvious. You're not too bad yourself. *winks* 

Yes, mostly classical but I'm partial to a bit of rock. AC/DC, The Who, Nirvana.. that sort of thing.

Why thank you. *smiles* 

Quite into rock myself.

Uh.. wll, that's it. Thank you for taking time to sit down and answer these questions. Do you have anything you want to say before you go?

Just that you'd better watch out. All of you humans should. Something bad is going to happen very soon and there is nothing you can do to stop it.