Limerence | I

33. Guilty

I was fed up. I was fed up with B.Dee, I was fed up with Eli, Alex, and even Xavier. Everyone seemed to be treating me like shit -- like everything was my fault. At first, I believed it. I thought Derrick was killed because I didn't do anything to head him. I thought Xavier and Astrid broke up because of me. And I thought Astrid committed suicide because of the way I treated her. But I soon came to my senses and realized that everyone made their own choices and nothing I did was going to stop them. So, I was done blaming myself and I was done letting people treat my however they wanted. I needed to keep to myself for a while.

I found myself skipping my next two classes. I turned my phone off because I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I stayed at Mama's where I knew no one would bother me. I slept in my old room where I felt most comfortable. You could say that I was acting childishly but I didn't care. It so good to disconnect from the rest of the world.

There was a knock on my bedroom door. Mama opened it and invited herself in, closing the door behind her. I smiled at the sight of her. She was the only person that could put a smile on my face right now. "You're not gonna' hide in here forever, are you?" She joked, sitting on the edge of my bed. I laughed and sat up, folding my legs Indian style.

"That was kind of the plan." I said, making her laugh too. Her laugh died down into a soft smile. She looked at me with concerned eyes. She slid back onto the bed and sat identical to me. I could tell we were about to have a long talk.

"I think you've forgotten that I know you better than you know yourself." That's was another one of her favorite lines. "And I can tell when you've reached ends meet. What's got you so stressed out, Child?" She asked. I didn't have any choice but to tell her everything. There was no lying to her because she could see right through me. I sighed, lowering my head. Where would I even start?

"When I first met Xavier, he had a girlfriend. And she was probably one of the sweetest girls I'd ever met but she made a really terrible mistake. And I treated her terribly because of it. Long story short, Xavier and I are together now but she... Passed away." I didn't know how to say that she committed suicide out loud. It was still hard to swallow. But of course, Mama wanted to know every detail.

"What happened?"

"She overdosed on prescription pills." I clarified. Mama pursed her lips and sighed. "I used to blame myself because I thought that maybe she would still be alive if Xavier hadn't left her."

"So, now what?" She wanted me to continue. Mama was never the type to give advice. She always taught us to make our own decisions. And even if they were wrong, she let us learn from our own mistakes. She figured it was more effective than always reprimanding us.

I thought long and hard about my response. What was I going to do next? I couldn't possibly go on like everything was all peaches. Then again, who was actually going to hear me out? Xavier was being an asshole and he had his own problems to deal with, Alex hated me, Eli wasn't acting like my big brother anymore, and Astrid was long gone. So I was alone. Of course, with the exception of Mama. "I'm gonna' end it with Xavier and just focus on school." I said. As much as it would rip my heart apart, I couldn't be with Xavier anymore. It brought a whole new level of stress. All we did was fight and it was tiring.

"Are you sure?" She questioned with raised eyebrows. I took a deep breath and nodded my head. I was positive that I was making the right choice. "Okay." She accepted. She was about to continue but there was a loud banging on the front door. We both raised our eyebrows and left the from, toward the door. When Mama opened it, Calvin, Eli's friend stood their. He was panting as if he was running and struggled to catch his breath.

"Eli is downstairs" he heaved, "the cops are putting him in handcuffs." He blurted. Mama groaned of frustration as she pushed past Calvin and toward the staircase. Calvin and I followed closely behind her. When we got to th ottos floor, we heard sirens outsider the building. And of course, in front of the building was Eli on the ground in hand cuffs with two police officers standing over him. Mama hurried over to the scene.

"What's going on?" She asked the older officer with panic laced throughout her voice. I was panicking on the inside too but I was trying my hardest not to show it.  I swallowed the lump in my throat and waited for the officer's response.

"Ma'am, I need you to step away." He said in a generic tone. I rolled my eyes. I knew Mama wouldn't accept that answer.

"I'm his mother." She explained. "Now tells me what's going on." She demanded. The officer sighed, probably annoyed.

"You're son is being charged with first degree murder." He explained. My jaw dropped as I watched the second officer pick Eli up from the ground and walk him toward the police car. From the corner of my eye, I spotted Detective Washington with his arms folded across his chest. He had a smirk on his face.

"We had a deal!" Eli yelled to him as he struggled to escape the grip of the officer.

"Bribery is against the law." Detective Washington stated with amusement in his voice.

"Wait, the murder of who?" Mama asked, confused. But I didn't need to hear the answer. It all made sense now. B.Dee told me that he wasn't the one that killed Derrick. Then, I saw Eli giving Detective Washington money. And this entire time, Eli hadn't shed a tear.

"Derrick Shaw." Detective Washington stated. The two officers finally pushed Eli into the backseat of the car. The crows surrounding the scene dispersed when the officers drove away. Mama had her hands over her face. I could tell by her rapidly rising and falling shoulders that she was sobbing. I subconsciously wrapped my arms around her in attempts to comfort her. It was official; any love that I had for Eli in my heart was gone and never coming back. I despised him. There was no way I could even look him in the eye again.

Before Mama and I could walk back into the building, I saw B.Dee standing across the street just staring at us. My expression hardened but his was soft and emotionless. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. After a few seconds of staring me down, he turned on his heels and walked away.

Smh... Eli is something else.