Limerence | I

00. Prologue

My trembling fingertips grazed the white keys. I was nervous as I was attempting to mentally prepare myself for possible failure. I felt all five pairs of eyes staring directly at me. I had performed in front of much larger crowds before but not one of those performances were more important than this one. These five sets of eyes would make or break my future. From the moment I walked into the enormous auditorium, they kept straight faces, intimidating me. Having no prior experience in the music industry, I wasn't sure if that was normal. I tried smiling as I introduced myself but I couldn't help but think that I was transparent to them; no matter how much I tried to hide it, they could see the nerves building up inside of me.

"Whenever you're ready, Miss Shaw." Said the man sitting in the middle of all the spectators. I took a deep breath, causing my chest to rise and fall. Before I knew it, my fingers were doing the work for me. They smoothly progressed up and down the black and white keys, playing Bryan Adams' Everything I Do. I was afraid that they wouldn't be too fond of my song choice as it was expected of all applicants to perform a classical piece; as in Mozart, Beethoven, or Bach. But my doubts melted away once I began to lose myself in the music. I allowed my mind to wander as if I wasn't performing in front of the admissions committee of Juilliard. I was in my high school's band room practicing again. There was no way that I could mess up if I had practiced the piece more times than I could ever count. Or at least I thought so.

"That's enough, Miss Shaw." The spectator held up his hand, signaling for me to stop just two minutes into my audition. My hands began to tremble once again. I couldn't have made a mistake and if I did, I would have known. I could have sworn on everything that I loved that my performance was flawless. But then again, I wasn't professionally trained. I wasn't technical in my delivery like most applicants would be. So that's when I panicked.

"If I could just start over. I can't help but be a little nervous." My voice resonated throughout the mostly vacant auditorium. The five spectators whispered among themselves, not speaking loud enough to hear anything. I sank my teeth into my bottom lip, waiting for a response. The few seconds they took to discuss the situation felt like an eternity. But when they were done, I was disappointed.

"That won't be necessary. Thank you for you time, Miss Shaw." He motioned toward the auditorium's exit. My lips parted in shock. I didn't know what to think as I grabbed my black Jansport off of the ground. I exited the auditorium with tears building up behind my eyes. I was sure that I blew my chance. And I wasn't sure how I was going to go home to tell my mother that I wasn't good enough. I thought about it on my entire journey back to the projects in Brownsville, Brooklyn. And when I arrived at my third-floor apartment, my mother was waiting for me in the dining room. I dreaded seeing her face as I wasn't ready to disappoint her.

"How was it?" She looked me in the eyes with hope that I would make it out of the projects. I simply shook my head, indicating that the audition didn't go quite like I had hoped. The hope and excitement escaped her eyes, breaking my heart. Not only did I want this for myself but for her. "It's okay. We'll figure something out." She sat down calmly in one of our three wooden chairs. She had a way of saying everything would be okay even if she wasn't sure that it would be. And at that moment, I felt like nothing was okay. I let myself down along with my family.

But our hope was restored when I received my acceptance letter a month later.