Limerence | I

04. My Critic

I left Auntie Kel's apartment before six in the morning as I didn't want to come in contact with her or Jared. After speaking to him when I got home from visiting Mama, I knew that my living arrangements might get even more awkward. Half of me felt like I should have kept my mouth shut but the other half told me to keep my guard up. Even though I didn't know Jared very well, something about him sent shivers down my spine -- and not in a good way. Whenever he was around it made me feel like a child that was being followed and watched; like I was supposed to run home to tell my mother. But then I realized that I was eighteen and that wasn't an option. 

The train ride to Julliard felt like it took less than 30 seconds. Or maybe I was too deep in my thoughts. I thought back on Monday and how embarrassed I felt in front of the entire class. I dreading walking through those doors again. I wasn't sure what was planned for today or if how Professor Huck was going to behave toward me. I was hoping that he or anyone else didn't think that I was talentless. But deep down I started to believe it of myself. The hallways were nearly empty when I arrived. I was 30 minutes early, hoping to get to the practice room before anyone else. Unfortunately, I didn't. Professor Huck was already in the room sipping hot coffee from his Starbucks cup. I was sure that he had something to say to me. And I was right. 

"Good to see you, Miss Shaw." He said. I was getting anxious because that couldn't be all he had to say. He took another sip of his coffee. As I walked by him and too a seat in the front row, I got a whiff of hazelnut. I politely smiled at him, hoping that was enough to greet him back. I sat my brown bag down beside my feet. Professor Huck took the seat next to me. Even though I didn't turn to make eye contact with him, my ears were open. This could either go right or left. He could either tell me that he believed in me or that I had not chance of succeeding at a place like this. I silently prayed that it was the first. "Do you know why you're here, Charli?" He called me by my first name casually. My eyes were glued to the hardwood floors. I slowly nodded my head even though I wasn't completely sure. I thought about how I was supposed to answer. 

"Because I'm not talentless?" I assumed that was what he wanted to hear. I heard him chuckle under his breath. I finally turned my head to look at him. Mostly because I was curious to see his full reaction. Was he laughing at my answer or at me? 

"Trust me, you wouldn't be here if you weren't. Along with that, you're here because I vouched for you to be. Before you even auditioned in that performance hall, I knew I wanted you here." His tone was laced with all seriousness. I pushed my eyebrows together. "When I read your essay, I felt like I've known you for years. I could tell that you dedicated so much to the music and you wanted this with everything in you. And it showed at your audition as well. So no, you're not talentless. You're probably one of the most talented students I have and that's why I really need you to focus. You really need to put your all into this because I would truly hate to see you fail." He finished. I allowed my lips to curl into a smile. That was something that I needed to hear. I needed someone other than my mother to genuinely support me. It felt beyond good. 

"Thank you, Professor Huck." I simply said. Even though I didn't respond with much, I was hoping that he saw how appreciative I was of him. He got up and made his way to the podium at the front of the class room. He reached into his over-stuffed computer bag and pulled out a stack of three books; one large one and two thinner ones. He handed them over to me. They were books on how to read music. I smiled to myself and placed them into my bag. He ran his fingers through his dark hair. That's when I realized how young he really looked; maybe early thirties. 

"And don't be intimidated by the others. You're definitely top five." He joked. I laughed for the first time in months. And that's when the pianist with the afro walked in. My smile didn't take too long to fade. His eyes were still intense but not nearly as serious as they were on Monday. He took the seat just two down from mine. He wore a black v-neck t-shirt and worn out blue jeans. Around his neck was a gold chain with a cross as it's pendant. "Xavier Grant... You remember Charli Shaw, right?" Professor Huck tried to introduce us. He nodded, glancing over at me.