Blooming Passion •• Ryan Tedder {1}

What You Call Home

Whether or not he meant it, Ryan nodded as she said that last part. He paused when he did, so he may not have intended for that to happen. Ramona looked deep into his eyes, hoping maybe he'd see into hers when she wanted him to this time. Maybe he'd understand a bit of her side.

"I do love him. It's a hard and difficult road that we've been on, but we've made it this far. We're engaged! I just...want to see if he can change."

Ryan's eyebrows were furrowed. He took a deep breath, still looking back at her. Their unbroken gaze had a spark somewhere within, but it was so unusual and different to her, Ramona pushed it away, for she didn't know what it was and likely didn't want to.

Ryan made sure his eyes bored into hers. Ramona was taken aback at his intensity.

"There's no use trying to argue about it now, but I'm going to say one thing, and if you won't listen to anything else I say, just ponder this. Are you sure you love him, or are you trying to convince yourself that he's worthy of loving?"

Leaving Ramona with her mouth wide open, Ryan broke his indirect contact with her (though his eyes really seemed to touch her soul) and got up, muttering under his breath just enough for her to hear, "I need air."

Then he headed for the other room beside the living room, where she assumed the doors to the backyard were. She didn't really notice those earlier, but remembered an exit there.

However, she sat there for several minutes in thought. Not so much about what he said, but the fact that he said it, rather. The fact that he was so aggressive and assertive about it.

Ramona did think about what he said, though. Briefly, because she couldn't handle the fact that he could be right. She could merely be trying to persuade her own mind that she loves him, when maybe she really doesn't. Maybe he's really brainwashed her and the love no longer exists.

But if it doesn't, how long has it been that way?

And that was when Ramona realized that this is real and there's something there between her and Ryan. Maybe not even that, but there is something. She's feeling for him. It's becoming harder and harder to deny. Ramona could brush it away with her mind a week ago, not even lifting a thumb to do so. But now it occupied her mind more than she'd like to admit.

On the other hand, Shawn Murphy. There needn't be an explanation for that.

Ramona wanted to see him. Just one more time (not to mention that his 26th birthday was in just about a week). This is a test, and simply that. If he's changed, that's something. But if he hits her or tries to, Ramona will have the gun and the knowledge that it's time to try to get over him. Actually try.

She hoped that he would attempt more abuse or get mad as usual. That would be easier for her. If he shows even a bit of kindness, though, her brain may not be able to handle that and the conflict will get worse.

It's always easier to just get out, isn't it? Whenever that's an option, that bridge is always short and easy to cross.

It was 3:30. Ramona got up to leave before Ryan got back in. She took his car again, leaving another note. She didn't tell him where she was going this time, though. What would he say if he knew she went to see Shawn, the very thing they just talked about? Who Ryan hated, who Ryan was dying to get her away from.

Yet Ramona can't seem to abide by what he tells her. Maybe the irrational bit of her is rebellious and stubborn too.

As she got into his car, she felt the familiar feeling of unfamiliarity; being surrounded by luxury is a feeling she may never get used to, no matter how long she and Ryan know each other.