Blooming Passion •• Ryan Tedder {1}

The Familiar Fury

Shawn's P.O.V.

The very same night, the clock struck 11:15 as Shawn and his friend, Kyle Ramsay, were drinking beers in his small Los Angeles apartment. Shawn's bag full of clothes for a few nights were beside the couch they sat on. However, he often brought that bag to the homes of the girls he slept with when he wasn't at Kyle's.

"I really don't want to go home, dude." Shawn groaned.

"Then don't, man. You can crash here for a few nights." Kyle replied.

"No, I told Ramona I'd be home today. I've already got beef with her."

"Maybe you shouldn't sleep around so much, then, man."

Shawn looked at him, lowering the beer from his mouth before he was going to take a drink. He raised his eyebrows, "You defending her?"

"No, but what if you knocked up some chick? Then you'd be in some real deep shit."

Shawn looked away, relaxing and taking a large drink of his beer. He nodded, "I know. Besides, Ramona knows about my cheating now. If I wanna keep her around then I've got to be there sometimes."

Kyle looked deeply at him.

"Do you still love her?"

"Sometimes I think I do, and I think about what it used to be like, but other times, I think of it as a way to make me feel like the man of the house."

There was a pause. Kyle still questioned Shawn, seemingly in thought about Shawn's situation.

"Why do you wanna keep her around?"

Shawn thought about this a while. He wasn't sure he wanted to answer. He doesn't tell anyone this. He hardly ever thinks about it. But he's known Kyle for years. Surely this is something that he can know.

"Because I miss what it was like."

And that was not a lie.

Shawn does not enjoy hitting her. Not when he thinks about it at night, when he really remembers Ramona falling to the floor all those times, seeing all of the bruises on her skin. But when he hits her, however, it's a different kind of Shawn. He gets too angry, and he knows this, angry enough that he can't take it out on anyone but her. But he can't help it.

Shawn also does not enjoy sleeping with other women, not as much as he should. But Ramona doesn't give him the same love. Especially since his emotions of his mother dying overwhelmed him and he hit her---she became distant after that. Shawn doesn't blame her. Besides, she's been more defensive lately, she's been talking to that Ryan. Sleeping with other women distracts him from his problems.

However, as much as Shawn knows this, there's no going back. He remembers how it was and it brings Shawn happiness. But those are merely thoughts. Ramona believes that they can have a relationship just like the happy one they had only months ago, before Diana Murphy, Shawn's flesh and blood, passed away due to a stroke.

"Do you really?" Kyle asked. Shawn looked at him. His face had softened as actual remorse filled him.

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because I was happy."

"Because of her?"

"Are you doubting it?"

Shawn became a little heated again. His friend had offended him.

"I don't know, dude, you just seem uncertain!" Kyle put his hands up. Shawn set his beer down on the coffee table. He peered at his friend.