Blooming Passion •• Ryan Tedder {1}

No Choice

Ramona's P.O.V.

Ramona sat with Ryan in his office as he worked on the songs for OneRepublic.

His work space was like her own, except much larger and cozier. There was a large window on the wall opposite the door, and it lit the room up with a soothing natural light. There were a few bookshelves against one wall, but against the other was Ryan's desk, several instruments, and smaller pieces of recording equipment. Ryan told her he had a lot more in the basement, where he had a studio.

Ramona was seated in the large cozy chair in Ryan's shirt and a pair of his sweatpants that she changed into. He was writing at the desk, his back to her. She was eager to make conversation, but didn't know about what. Only a couple of hours ago she was crying in his arms about Shawn raping her, so she felt things were awkward.

Not to mention that he was working, and because of that, she felt like she shouldn't even be in the room, but the house was so large that she'd feel lonely anywhere else.

Ramona suddenly felt bad for Ryan---is he always that lonely?

She wanted to ask him, but that's also not the best conversation starter. Hey, Ryan, are you always lonely at home?

She had to say something. The silence was becoming increasingly unbearable.

"What song are you working on?"

"Just another one for the band."

"Oh." She replied, unable to find a good response.

Damn it. Why am I so awkward? Ramona thought. Then Ryan spontaneously spun around in his chair, looking at her with green eyes.

"You okay?" He asked. Ramona shrugged. She really wasn't sure. But why did it seem he was always asking that question? Does she always look upset?

Oh, right. She can ask him.

"Why do you ask that question so much?"

Ryan was the one to shrug this time, "I don't know. If it bothers you, I---"

"No, no, it doesn't. But do I always look upset about something?"

Ryan clearly hesitated.

"I just see sadness in your eyes."

Ramona didn't know how to reply. In all honesty, this made her reflect back on herself a moment. She is hurt and sad on the inside. Cracked. Flawed. Shattered. Damaged. Maybe even broken. She just didn't know that anyone would notice.

Then again, this is Ryan. She needs a constant reminder to let herself know that he cares. It's just hard to accept it---he may be the first to truly care for her. Not even the old Shawn did that as much as he has. More the reason to be in love with him, right?

No. No. This isn't happening. We are friends. And only friends.

"Ramona?"

"Yeah?"

"Not to repeat myself, but are you okay?"

"I honestly don't know."

"I want you to be okay."

"Sorry to disappoint you, I suppose."

Ryan now looked sad for her, his eyes showing the sorrow as he set them upon her. His gaze briefly took her breath away. Even from across the room it felt like he could see into her soul.

Then his phone rang as it vibrated on the desk. Ryan picked it up, and despite trying to listen into the quiet room, Ramona couldn't hear who it was on the other end and what they were saying.