Not So Bad - A.M.

29. Love & Forgiveness

Sunday came, and I was finally able to convince myself to talk to Austin. I knew that if I waited any longer, i'd never do it and we wouldn't be able to fix this.

I took one last deep breath before I knocked on his front door. It seemed like forever until he opened it. He gave me a puzzled look, but I started speaking before he even got the chance to.

"Can I come in?" I asked.

He nodded and moved aside for me.

I went and sat on the couch while he closed the door, and when he was done he came and sat next to me. He sat so close that our knees kept brushing together but neither of us moved away.

"I think i'm ready to talk now." I said, but it came out as more of a whisper.

"Can you do something for me, first?" He asked.

"What?"

"Tell me what happened that night, I want to hear it from you."

"Why?"

"I want to know the truth. I want to know what the hell made me so angry that I almost hit you. Robert only told me that I got really mad, that we were fighting, and that I raised my hand to you." He said.

"Fine." I sighed and gave in. "This guy kept bothering me to dance with him, and I kept telling him no because I had a boyfrie-"

"Had?" He asked. I could see the hurt in his eyes.

"Just let me finish." I said. "I told him no because I had you. Then he put his arms around me, but I shoved him off and that's when I went into the kitchen and ran into you. You were drunk and yelling at me, and then you called me a slut." The memory of that night kept replaying in my head, and it brought tears to my eyes. My voice started to shake as I finished the rest of the story. "I got mad, so I pushed you and that's when you were about to hit me. Robert tackled you to the ground and that's when I left. Zach took me home." I tried to wipe the tears away, but it was pointless.

"Ava, I am so sorry, I really am."

I opened my mouth to say "it's fine," but he spoke before I could.

"No, don't say it's fine because it's not. I could've hit you, Ava. I didn't, but I could've. You don't understand, when I was little, I watched my mom repeatedly be abused by some boyfriend she had. He used to hit her over every little thing, and he said that if she or I ever said a word, he'd kill us both. It took me so long to work up the courage to just call the cops on him, and when I did, when I saw him be forced into the back of that cop car, I made a promise to myself that I would never hit a woman, not like that man did. But I almost hit you, the one person besides my mom that matters the most to me. So no, it's not fine." He paused. "And you know what else I promised myself? That I would protect my mom at all costs. That's when I found Cory. At first he was just training me so that I could be able to defend myself and be able to defend my mom if I had to, but then I somehow got tied to all this gang shit, and now look at me. I do bad shit, I've hurt people, I have a horrible temper, and I like it. I fucking like it!"

I wasn't even sure what he was talking about, but it obviously wasn't about Friday night's events anymore. He was going on and on about random things, but I let him. I could tell he needed to let all these things out, because they were eating him up. He was opening up to me, and I wasn't about to stop him.

"Why do I always fuck things over? What's wrong with me?" He yelled.

I wanted to comfort him, but I wasn't sure if I should. I wasn't sure what to do.

"I'm so messed up." He said quietly. He didn't even look angry anymore, just torn up; defeated.

My mind was telling me to just stay put, but my body was already moving towards him. I can't stay mad at him, and I can't leave him, not like this.

I threw my arms around him and just held him close, showing him, without saying a word, that I was there. That he's not alone, and that he still has me.

He wrapped his arms around me instantly and buried his face into my neck. "I'm so messed up." He said defeatedly again.

This time it almost sounded like he was crying. When I felt a wetness on my neck, it confirmed my thoughts.

He's breaking down. Austin Mahone, the bad boy, the bad ass with the cruel temper is crying on my shoulder. And for some reason, it made me love him even more.

"Austin, you're not messed up. You've made bad choices, and yeah you have your issues, but everyone has issues. That doesn't make you messed up, it makes you human. I'm not saying the things you do, or the way you act sometimes is okay, but I understand. I get it, and I don't think you're messed up. I think you're amazing. Even with your attitude, even with the job you have, even with any and every flaw. And as for the stuff that happened Friday," I paused to get him to look at me. At first he wouldn't but when he finally did, his eyes were red and his cheeks were tear stained and it damn near broke my heart. "As for Friday," I started again, "I forgive you for all of it."

He started at me in disbelief. "Why?" He asked. I took a deep breath.

Here goes nothing.

"Because I love you." I said.

His eyes got even wider, and for a quick second, he smiled, but it was quickly replaced with a frown.

"You shouldn't." He whispered.

"Too bad, I do. That's why I can never stay mad at you. That's why I'm able to forgive you so quickly. I love everything about you. Maybe I shouldn't, but I do. I love you Austin, and i'm not sorry for it. I'm not ashamed. I loved you when I walked in, I love you now, and I'll love you when I leave. So don't try and change my mind because I want to love you, and you can't stop me. You won't stop me." I said.

He just stood still. Didn't say a word, didn't move a muscle.

"You don't have to say it back, I just needed to tell yo-"

"I love you, too. So much more than you know. You're the best thing that's happened to me in a while, and I love that. I love you." He stepped towards me, and crashed his lips against mine.

I savored this kiss, this whole moment. I pushed everything bad that happened out of my mind, and focused on the fact that we were okay again. Not back to where we were before this whole mess, but okay.

"I'm so sorry." He mumbled against my lips.

I pulled back. "Stop apologizing." I pecked his lips once more, and then grabbed his face in my hands. "I love you, and I forgive you."

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A/N:

So, how was it? I love how Austin opened up to her, and I love how Ava gave her mushy gushy love speech. What'd you think?

Anyways, thanks for being patient, thanks for reading & voting, and thanks to those that have been commenting. I appreciate you all!

Vote/fan/COMMENT if you enjoyed! 😊

-- m