His Name Is Jake Saunders

Sophia Visits Her Parents

'Tis was the season of training down to Jersey to visit my parents. I know what you're thinking. Coming from a generation filled with reality shows and culture-based stereotypes, you'd imagine my parents are the full-Jersey people with those accents, leopard prints, big hair and even bigger tans that you see on Jerseylicious. You'd be wrong. Thankfully.

My mother is tall, model-like body and a demeanour like Jane Fonda's badass acting circa 12st century. She had black hair with brown highlights, a skinny frame and laugh lines. Thin lips big, round eyes and was never seen without makeup. My mother is the pinnacle of high class and sass, and she has an elegance about her that's lost in other people.

My father is a beer-bellied all American kind of guy. Scruffy, aged hair, mostly black with a couple shakes of white above the ears; thinner lips than my mother's and never ever smiles. He's the most unapproachable guy in the world, but once you get to know him, you know his loyalty runs deep. I don't remember a time where my father was all happy-go-lucky before my brother died, and it always makes me think I broke him.

My ex-boyfriend, Jack, was the only guy that could blast passed that chilly disposition of my father's and make a friend out of him. It really annoys me now considering no boyfriend since him has been able to get that far with my dad. They all either run away or set a whole new level of shittastic dinner times of meeting the parents.

Lucky I'm just visiting alone!

"Hi mom!" I called out as I pulled up at the house.

"Hi, honey!" she ran out, reaching her arms out and embracing me in a massive hug. "How are you?"

"I'm good. You?"

"Absolutely fine."

"Dad?"

"Fantastic!" she are started entering the house. "We're both super-happy you're visiting. Honey!" she yelled into the empty room. "Bob, your daughter is here!"

"Coming!" his yell was muffled by distance. Then I saw him pacing through the living room. "There's my NYC, girl. How's the big city?"

He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. My dad is never this affectionate with me. And I had inkling with my mother before—how oddly over-excited she was acting—of something being wrong. Or maybe right. Maybe something great happened to them and they're going to let me know today.

"I'm starving and I have to get back to the city soon," I said, taking off my modern kimono. "What's for lunch?"

"Well, honey," my mother elongated her words, "first, we have a little surprise for you."

Her eyes bright and wide. My father nodding and crossing his arms over his chest. I flickered my eyes between the two equal parts confused and frightened.

"Okay, what's going on?" I braced myself.

My mother turned her head away from me. "You can come out now!"

What, did they buy a new and improved robot from USR?