Are You Seeing Anyone?

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by CaliforniaSoulBlog

by CaliforniaSoulBlog

I whipped around. "Oh, you want to talk? So talk." I crossed my arms over my chest.

Jack dunked his hands into his jean pockets and looked down, peering up through his thick lashes. "I'm sorry."

Ugh, I know that look. That look used to work on me. Once. Although my heart is fluttering, its wings were robotic and cautious. "Okay," I shrugged.

"Okay?"

"Okay," I repeated. "Is that it?"

"Well come on," he started as I began to walk away, "we can't just end it like this."

"It's how we ended it last time," I said, turning on my heel. The distance between us closing as he swung his legs, one foot in front of the other nonchalantly toward me.

"The shit that I did. The hurt that I left you with. I'm sorry."

"Hey," I shrugged, "don't mention it."

"Sleeping with her was the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life."

"Jack," I whispered. No, seriously, don't mention it!

I'd locked the door to that room long ago. Expecting never to re-enter and tread down dreary road. I loved, Jack. Some days I even think about him and think about what would've happened if he just let us be. If he just waited. If he just didn't give in to my best friend. Two betrayals I have to live with. I moved to the big city, leaving everything behind and starting a new life. There's no excuse for sleeping with my best friend, especially right after my brother died.

"Look, I know this is stupid to say as a reason, but I just didn't know how to comfort you after...after he died."

I narrowed my eyes and gritted my teeth. "Well sleeping with my best friend clearly wasn't the best route."

"I know, I know," he nodded, hanging his head low.

"A sincere and honest, 'I love you and will be here for you' would have sufficed. Instead you were...you were...a coward!" I spat.

Jack gulped. "I deserve that."

"You deserve so much more."

"I know."

There was a small silence between us where, in the suburbs and off the main road, resounded the imminence of a zombie apocalypse. For real, if it weren't for the fact that a plane passed us overhead in the distance, I would've thought we were in a movie.

I sighed. "I'm exhausted."

"Of course you are. I'll let you go, but, I wanted to ask you something."

"Fine," I shrugged slightly, shaking my head. How much worse could it get?

"I'm going to be staying in the city for a while."

"What city? My city? New York City?"

Jack refrained from smiling wider. "Yes. I was thinking that maybe we...maybe you and I...we could get together. Some time."

"Jack..." I furrowed my brows, looking down at the pavement and stroking the crack with the tip of my shoe.

"—look I'm not asking for us to get back together. I mean, I don't want to rule it out but I know it won't happen now. I just want to see you. I miss you. Don't you miss me?"