Dear Mr.Idiot

eight

I stared at Brandon the after effects of my revelation wearing off slowly. He stared at me sadly, I probably looked devastated in his eyes. I couldn't help letting out a laugh at Matthew smiling up at Brandon unknowingly. I could've given my son a good life,one with a father and mother that wasn't so shitty. 

"What if I went to therapy?" I couldn't give up. "The only problem with me is the cheating. I think I'm a nymphomaniac or something. I could get help." 

"Helia..."

I nodded to myself as if this was the perfect solution. I get the professional help I desperately needed and this will all be okay. I can go home to him everyday telling him my progress, the steps I'm taking to stay in line while at the same time helping him remember. Then I realized,

"You don't even have to remember us or any of the memories we shared before. We can make new ones, better ones with an even better me." I was well aware I was rambling on pathetically but I couldn't stop. I couldn't leave this hospital without even trying without something positive to go off of. I refused to just think he would just leave like that, that he even could.

"Heli-"

"I mean aren't you curious about me? What made you marry me in the first place? I have good qualities I just made some mistakes but I can get better. I swear."

"Helia!"

I paused. 

"You need to let me go."

"But if you just hear me out. We can heal from this."

Brandon looked down at Matthew watching him fondly before turning back to me. "I have no real attachments to you. If he was really my son, in a heartbeat I would try to work it out or stick around. But there's nothing for me with you, no emotions, no substance. Nothing."

"You're going to remember one day all that you had with me. You're going to regret not giving me a second chance."

"When I do remember I will already be happy, living life easy without any worries and I'll look back on us and be content to be away from this mess." 

"You're refusing to remember the good between us." I got up daring my final attempt at coercing him. "Brandon who are you without me?"

I stopped at the edge of the bed with him staring up at me. The same sad expression of pity taking over. I hated it, without thinking or giving him the opportunity to realize what I was about to do, I pressed my lips to his. 

It wasn't warm and welcoming as I had remembered. His lips weren't soft and moving against mine, instead they were slightly chapped from months in a coma and unmoving in comparison of my own. 

I pulled back only for Brandon to wordlessly hand me back Matthew. My hands took hold of him the same time as pain swelled up in my cheeks. 

He didn't. 

Brandon was furious, he pressed the button for his nurses repeatedly. Two nurses came rushing in worried. 

"Please get her out of here. Don't allow her back to visit me. Get her out!" One ushered me towards the door telling me it wasn't a good time.