Dear Mr.Idiot

seven

Kiara's words replayed in my head the entire bus ride home. There were many emotions battling in me that I hadn't yet settled on one to act upon. A part of me was very angry at the fact that she would assume she knew anything about who I am as a person. We haven't spoken in months--almost a year! It's funny how she waltzed in laying down all this nonsense about me being selfish.

Selfish. As if I haven't been beating myself up already trying so hard to change. Trying to prove myself, trying my best to become better. Yet throughout all that people still see me as self absorbed. What would it take for them to change their perception of me? I couldn't understand why no one saw the desperate change I was striving to make. I called her, willed my pride to call her for advice and all she could say to me was she wasn't going to help.

She's ridiculous. Everyone who thinks that way about me is ridiculous.

But then despite how much I hate to admit it. There was another part (a pit) that was buried between the anger that felt remorse. There was a possibility that try as I might to ignore that they were right. I needed to let go. Maybe I really am clinging on to Brandon for all the wrong reasons. I don't want them to be right.

I came off the bus in front of my parents house. It was about time I saw Matthew again. No point in hearing how I'm neglecting him. Being a terrible wife and a terrible mother is a duo I don't need right now.

I knocked on the door to meet the face of my tired dad.

"Are you okay?"

His weary faced peered at me almost humorously, he stepped a side allowing me through the door without a word. As he closed the door I waited for him, wondering why he was ignoring me.

"Dad are you sick? " He brushed past me heading towards the living room with me following close beside him.

I was about to question him once more when I saw Trevor sitting across from Ma with Matthew in his hand. They looked up once they heard me, his sinister smile planted snugly on his face.

"What is he doing here!"

"Come sit down Helia." Dad finally spoke to me taking a seat next to Ma. I tentatively took a seat next to Trevor.

"Helia-" Holding up my hand to stop Ma from speaking I looked over towards Trevor.

"Why do you have my child in your hands?"

"He likes me, besides I have just as much right as you do to hold him."

He seemed to have lost his mind. "No you don't he's not your child."

I looked over to my parents. "You let some random man come in here and hold my child?"

"Don't be ridiculous Helia, he's not a stranger." I felt the shiver of anxiety sneaking up on me as Ma spoke. "We know he's Matthew's biological dad."

I stared at them astounded. "And who told you that?"

Dad spoke up then. "He came to our house a few days ago and let us know about your long history with him. There's no point keeping it hidden. How could you lie to him? He deserves to know about his child."

I got up and forcefully took Matthew out of his hands. Ma protested and he tried to hold on but I used all my weight to get Matthew out of his hold. I took him back to the opening of the living room and stood keeping them all in my line of sight.

"I gave you guys my son to watch for a few days because I trusted that as his grandparents you would take good care of him. So now I'm here to come get him and I hear you let a stranger into your home because he told you that he's Matthew's father?" I embraced Matthew into my arms a little tighter.