!!!! poc speak !!!!

minority in a white community // lackadaylouis

i live in a small town in new jersey that is filled with rich white kids. literally if i had to put it in statistics, id say 70% are white 20% are brown (south asian/middle eastern) and then the rest are others. all of the fucking poc in my school have no appreciation for their background, culture, or race. i hate how they hate their own culture, their own gdamn ROOTS. im proudly indian. im proud to have such a unique heritage and distinct aspects of a culture. hell, our cultures so beautiful that white people enjoy appropriating it (bindis, hennas, etc.) which is SO ironic because they're the ones that make us and have always made us feel less of ourselves.

anyway, in my town, the white people are so unfiltered and explicit with their slurs. i cannot tell you how many times ive been compared to or called a monkey, how many times ive been asked if i have bombs in my backpack, or asked if im an illegal immigrant.

what adds onto this is the fact i am not a citizen of the united states- i was born in india. therefore, we arent citizens and my dad and mom are restricted from several jobs and oppurtunities. my dad is SO smart, too. he works hard at every single fucking he puts his mind to and its really inspirational. his job gives him less pay than he deserves and his upper workers mistreat him because they know he has no other option but to work there. its difficult seeing all my friends get gorgeous clothes and makeup and things so often, when i feel guilty just ASKING for things (even if i need it)

another aspect of being a poc that white people dont understand is eurocentric beauty standards (can i get an amen). WHY WHY WHYE GETBWYEGSBDKKSJF HWY WHY THE FUCK. what doesnt make sense is when WHITE GIRLS have poc feautures, shes gorgeous but US OURSELVES COLOURED PEOPLE are typically thought of less in magazines. only recently have i learned to love myself and the way i look. i know that not alot of others consider me to be as beautiful as i consider myself, but i know that its only because i'm indian. sadly, i recently began having this thought process.

sometimes, my self confidence fluxes back down because of how white women are looked up to and praised on their beauty. i start thinking that im really not as beautiful as i perceive myself to be, because then wouldn't people be chasing after me? wouldn't people their hardest to be my friend? that is such a deteriorating way to think, and i soon realize that. beauty is not based on others' perception of you but your own. beauty is learning to love yourself because of your OWN reassurance, not others.

it would be incredible being white, for they have all the priveledges, but i would never trade my brown girl self to be a white girl. there are far too many things the poc community has taught me about self worth, and i know that no white person would be able to understand them. i learned to be hardworking, to get where i want to be despite of that people think of my based on my skin colour. i learned to love others and myself, not for the shade of their skin but for their smile and how they speak. i learned that people can be cruel, that people have their thoughts and that its MY job to prove them wrong.

i am forever proud to be indian.

-anousha; 14; usa; indian