My Beloved Loki

It's All My Fault

I don't dare look at Loki. I can't cry. I can't let him see me cry again. And it would really freaking hurt because of my ribs.
"It's okay...you don't have to..." He trails off as he stands up. If I want to be friends with him, I have to tell him what happened. I will tell Sof later, but I think I'm finally ready to bring this out into the light. I need to bring this to light. I will always cry or be sad when I tell this story, but at least I won't feel so alone.
"No. It's okay. I need to bring this into light after its been in the dark for so long." I say sadly and a bit tired. Loki says nothing, but sits beside me on the bed and looks expectantly at me. I stare at my lap and play with my hands.
"When I was sixteen, I went into the military to become a Navy SEAL, which is like the best of the best. I was allowed to so young because Tony insisted on it. I passed with flying colors into the program, alongside my best friend, who was like a second brother to me. His name was Jorm Sedusky. He was four years older than me, but neither of us cared. He is the only one on my friends that knew about my powers. After our trainijg, we were immediately assigned to a reconnaissance mission to gain information on the enemy's weapons supply so we knew how much they had and the correct way to defeat them. Despite my young age and gender, our general put me in charge of the mission. Jorm was the only one to support me. The other guys hated that I was the best in our division. But they followed my orders willingly anyways. When we arrive at the enemy base, I direct them to the weapons vault. My team takes inventory, while I stand watch outside. I'm dressed up as an enemy soldier so I don't draw suspicion. I knocked out the original guard and stole his uniform. My team was taking longer than I thought, so I go inside to make sure they are following orders. They are, and just when I'm about to walk back outside, seven enemy soldiers walk in on us. There are only five of us. They started shooting at us, and that's how I got the scar on my shoulder. I was shot. I fell to the ground and Jorm ran to my side. He-he gets shot straight through his h-head." I pause, trying to compose myself before continuing, "I-I watched him die. In slow motion." A tear rolls down my face and I angrily wipe it away, "I got up as I was crying, and started running. I just needed to get out before I died myself. One of the enemy bullets hits an explosive right next to me. That's how I got the scar on my stomach. I-I blame myself for what happened. I was the o-only survivor." I struggle out as I try my hardest to not become a sobbing mess. Loki says nothing for a while as I struggle with my misery. Loki gets off the bed before placing his hands on either side of my ribcage, but i dont feel anything like i normally would. He closes his eyes and he concentrates hard. A golden glow eminates from my mid-section and after a few seconds, the pain in my ribcage is instantly gone, even though I still feel weak. Loki opens his eyes and is breathing a little heavily. I look up at him. He sits on the bed next to me and open s up his arms.
"There, now you can cry." He says in an understanding tone. I look into his eyes for a moment, before crawling into his open arms, only to feel them securely wrap around me as I sob violently into his chest as i keep repeating that it's my fault. I cry for a good long while, but Loki doesn't get mad, or annoyed with me and my tears. He just sits there holding me. Acting least like himself as possible. And he's been like that for a day or two. And I wonder why. After I get done with my sob fest, I lay on his chest for a little while, listening to his heart beat before I start bombarding him with questions.
"Loki?" I ask as I pull away from him and return to my spot on the bed as the pain in my side returns. I'm assuming the spell only works for a little while.
"Yes?" He asks.
"Why are you being so nice to me?" I ask curiously as I look up at him. He seems a little taken aback by my question, looking as though he doesn't know how to answer, before he looks into my eyes and they lock.
"Odin sent me here to keep me in a secure place, while they figure out what to do with me. I don't think he ever imagined a little mortal girl, wriggling her way into my heart, and changing me to be like i was so many years ago, so fast I don't even know what is happening to me myself. Rae, you have given me hope where I had none. You gave me a second chance when no one else would. I have no idea how you have managed to do it so fast, but, I'm changing. And not for the worst." He says. I blush and smile at him and he smiles back.
"Thanks for...ya know...letting me...uh...cry..."I say awkwardly.
"Well, it's what friends are for isn't it?" He asks.
"Yeah, I guess it is." I reply. There is silence before I speak again.
"Do you think you are completely changed? Like you won't try to murder anyone else?" His expression turns dark, almost hungry.
"I cannot deny that I still have a desire to rule, the desire to kill, the fact that I have a short temper and will not tolerate much. But I also cannot deny that it is all starting to fade. I would not have thought Thanos would have me slip from his grasp so easily, but he his fading from my mind." He says without looking at me, his face softening and hardening throughout. I scooted away out of fear at the beginning of his speach, but now I am curious and relieved. At least those desires are fading.
"Who is Thanos?" I ask curiously. His expression grows even darker than it was at the beginning of his speech. But he looks at me this time, with a softer expression.
"All in due time my dear. But for now, you need some rest." And with that, my heart takes flight and a swooping sensation occurs in my stomach because he called me "my dear." I know it's most likely a custom in Asgard, but still. I nod and he helps me cover up and get comfortable before leaving to do whatever a changing Loki does while his babysitter is asleep. Just in case I mentally lock our brains, so if me gets farther than five feet from the apartment, I will wake up. Loki says something about goodnight as I drift off into dreamland.