My Beloved Loki

Um....Thanks?

I wake up to an empty bed. I'm facing where Loki used to be and no one is there. The bed is made and there's no evidence that anyone was there in the first place. That's not weird. Am I going crazy? Or was it a fever-induced nightmare? Or was it real and I really did stupidly let Loki I'm my bed and let him wrap his arms around me for an unknown reason and then snuggle into him?! Why would I do that?! This is why I hate being sick, I become stupid. But the thing is, I don't feel sick anymore. I don't have a headache, runny nose, cough, or (*puts hand on forehead*) fever. What the heck?! Was it all just a weird dream? I mean all of it? Since the invasion, all of it? Well, no, it can't be because I'm not in my old room. Was it real? I don't know at the moment, but I smell Chinese. And I want it. Badly. My empty stomach growls at me as I climb quietly out of bed. I open my door as quietly as I can and now I can hear sizzling food. I tip-toe down the hall and peek my head around the corner. Loki has his shirtless back to me while he's reaching for two bowls. I feel blood rush to my cheeks. 1) Loki is cooking and freaking doing something besides reading and letting me be his little slave. (I curse my niceness sometimes). 2) Two bowls. TWO. BOWLS. Is he expecting me or something? If he is, that's just weird. 3) WHY THE HECK AM I FREAKING BLUSHING?!?!?!
I quickly make myself invisible as he turns around, the shadow of a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Woah, now he's smiling. Conclusion to all this madness: I died and this is the afterlife. Or the world ended while I slept and everything is backwards and confusing. Either theory is acceptable. I mean, Loki is smiling. SMILING. Loki doesn't smile. And then there's the thing with me being better and being confused as to if he and I willingly being in the same bed was real or a fever-induced nightmare. If it was just a dream, did Loki carry me to my bed? And where did he learn how to cook Earth food?! He's not even from here! Yet he knows how to cook Chicken Teriyaki by the smell and look. Rice, chicken, sauce, vegetables, all of it. My mind is boggled. I'm in bewilderment at the moment. Someone help me.
Loki chuckles darkly and looks straight into my eyes. Guys, I'm freaking invisible. How the freak does he know where I'm at?!
"Not many people can sneak up on me." He says darkly. I don't become visible, I decide to just let him talk to thin air even though he knows I'm here. If one of my friends came in, it would make him look even more crazy to them. That in itself would be funny. I walk to the island and levitate to sit on its cool surface. His Emerald eyes never leave me.
"Then how did I do it the first time?" I ask sarcastically. I smirk, regardless of if he can see me or not. He makes a passive face.
"I was merely distracted. I don't have time to deal with puny mortals sneaking around when others are trying to kill me." He turns around to tend to the food. Puny mortal?! He does realize that I'm the one who beat him up right? At least I can't see his chest and stomach anymore. They are actually surprisingly quite toned. Then there's his shorts. They are low enough that I can see the start of a perfect V. I don't really want to see more but my nerves were close to going haywire again, regardless of my jacked up feelings. Am I attracted to him or not? I hate him but find him hot at the same time. My emotions are so confused. What is he doing to me? I've barely talked to him or seen him even though I live with him. And it's a good thing I have a stupidly rich brother who has paid my bill for the place for the next year because I can't exactly leave Loki alone here. He might try and execute his plan of world domination again. There is an uncomfortable silence between us before something I've wanted to find out since I woke up pops back into my head.
"Why am I better?" I ask.
"I made you better."
"Why?" He turns to me.
"Think of it as payment."
"Payment for what?"
"You saved my life I made you better from illness. My debt is repaid. Now you cannot use it against me." I say something passively on the outside, but on the inside I'm kind of hurt that he would think that the only reason I saved him was so he had a debt to repay. I saved him to save him. From what I've seen of him, he's a broken soul with a broken heart. It's my job to pick up the pieces and put them back together again. Granted, it won't be easy, and it will take forever for him to trust me, but I can see that he's hiding his true feelings and emotions. Just like me. Takes one to know one right? I levitate into the den and float down on the futon. I make myself visible again and mentally manipulate the Netflix app on my tellie to come on. I scroll through Netflix until I find Sherlock and watch A Study In Pink. It's a very good episode in my opinion. All of this is done with no remote in sight mind you. I prop my feet up on the glass coffee table just as the episode starts. Soon after, Loki comes in with two plates of food. He puts one in my lap and sits to my right. I'm sat in the middle of the futon. He also props his feet up on the coffee table. Why is he being so nice? He's only nice when something bad happens. Oh my gosh did something bad happen?! Or is it going to happen? This guy could be able to see the future for all I know! I eye him suspiciously and he gives me an innocent look. I cautiously pick my fork up and pile food on it. I put it in my mouth and chew slowly, savor inch the food. Sure it could be poisoned and yes I'm probably stupid for eating it, but at least it's like putting heaven on a plate and then giving me a fork. My face lights up and a small mmmmmm sound escapes my lips. He looks at me and smirks.
"Does the Midgardian like my cooking?" I nod. He chuckles. It's the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. Woah woah woah woah woah. Did I really just think that?! What the heck?! Anyways, what did he do to me?
"How did you heal me?" I ask. He eyes me curiously with a glint of mischief in his eyes.
"Back to that are we?" He says and furrows his brow.
"Avoiding my question are we?" I ask sarcastically and he sighs.
"You are not easily distracted are you? I used magic on you." He says.
"Will there be side effects?"
"Not as far as I'm concerned. But if I were you, I wouldn't leave this couch."
"Why not?" My stomach starts turning into a knot. I hate taking medicine. Because of my powers, there's almost always a bad side effect to medicine. Why should magic be any different? Both of them healed me. Yes, it healed me in the S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier. But this is a much larger scale.
"Because I've never used a powerful healing spell on a Midgardian. I really don't know what will happen. Also considering the fact that you have special abilities might add to the danger. But I did technically heal you."
"Um....thanks?" I say sarcastically. He healed me, but the side effects might be worse than the actual sickness.
"You are welcome." He smiles and then takes a big bite of Chinese.
"Where did you learn how to cook Earth food?"
"It's almost the same as Asgardian food."
"Oh. Why do you call is Midgardians?"
"Because this realm is called Midgard." He says irritated. Sorry for getting sick and having my mind a bit foggy. He looks at the tellie just as the opening titles end and John is remembering his army days. Loki looks at me. And my heart goes insane.
"What is this?" He asks while getting up to inspect my tv and setting his plate on the coffee table in the process. I stay seated. I don't see a need to get up so I'm not going to.
"It's called a tellie."
"Yes but, how are the pictures moving?"
"I don't know. They just do. That's how a tellie is made." He slowly nods, his mind fully occupied by the strange machine in front of him.
"It's very strange." He says thoughtfully.
"No it isn't." I retort.
"Yes it is."
"How?"
"Pictures are like windows into life. A frozen moment. Still. Then there's this, 'tellie', and the pictures move and speak." That was profound. This is the silent god after all. Or at least, that's what he's been this past week. This sudden burst of sociality is suspicious to me. But I think I kind of like it.
"I can understand where you are coming from, but you have to understand where I'm coming from. I grew up with the tellie. I'm used to its strangeness." He looks at me funny.
"Always the keeper of the peace." He claims. Then he smirks knowing that I beat him up, killed a bunch of alien creatures (which I still haven't learned the name of), beat up Nick Fury, chased freaking S.H.E.I.L.D. and their allies away, and am very capable of killing him if I wanted to. I almost want to right now and he knows this because he's smirking. Probably because my hands are no longer relaxed and I tense up in my seat, ready to lunge at him at any given moment. He chuckles darkly with a glint of mischief in his eyes.
"I don't keep the peace 95% of the time. The other 5% I'm too lazy to fight. I would rather annoy people anyways than go into battle. I'm not really attracted to the whole warrior, save the day cheesy hero thing. Because being a soldier is neither happy nor full of sunshine and roses. Yes, it can be heroic. But in a different way than you might think. Being a soldier is not about who is the best or who is the hero who saves everyone all day. It's much more than that. Being a soldier is about a team, a family, who you will give your last dying breath for. It's about protecting each other. About protecting your home and all who live there. Yes, there are remarkable, heroic stories of soldiers. And don't get me wrong, that's beautiful when the bravery of a soldier is recognized. But it should not be viewed as sunshine and butterflies. It should not be viewed as the hero who saved the day all by himself because of his mighty abilities. It should be viewed as the soldier and his family as one. The remarkable stories of bravery where soldiers throw their life on the line for their family is beautiful. It is beautiful because it shows the strong bond between brothers as sisters and it should most definitely be recognized. But not as happy or gleeful or the lone hero with the great abilities." Well that escalated quickly. And that was deep. Too deep. Too early in our relationship to get deep. Way too early. We need to become friends first. I turn my face away from him and instead look at the ground. I can't meet his gaze right now. Tears are burning in my eyes and the lump in my throat keeps getting bigger. I shan't cry in front of him again. The second time we met he saw a tear roll down my cheek. When we got this place I sobbed into his chest. But not today. I won't let him see me cry today. Today, I will be strong. Ill bottle up my emotions and hide them away where they are safe and I'm not vulnerable. I can't let anyone see it. Not even my friends. I don't want to be hurt anymore. He can't see me cry. He can't see my pain. But it was all my fault. Just like almost everything else.
"How do you know?" He almost spits at me. What's with the rage? It just makes it hurt more, trying to make the illusion that you can tolerate me, just to shove it back in my face and show me that you hate me. That's too cruel. I may dislike Loki, but I'm not sure if I hate him. I know for sure that he is physically attractive, but he refuses to let me see the damage. Same for me. I blink a few times to get rid of the threatening tears and swallow the lump in my throat before speaking again. I look him dead in the eyes, rage and sorrow eminent on my face. Fear flashes across his features before he composes himself again. Good. He's scared of my rage.
"Because I am one." I hiss before literally running back into my room. I lock and barricade the doors that open up to my bedroom with my dresser and a chair. I lock the windows and shut the curtains. I turn a lamp on and begin to read Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire as a single tear escapes my eye and slowly makes it's way down the side of my face. I take deep breaths before I compose myself again. But there's one thing I can't help but repeat over and over again in my head. One simple statement, composed of four small words. But it has haunted me for years and it has made me bitter and cold.

It's all my fault.......