The Book Is Always Better| #Wattys2015

Twenty Two~Fangirls are bold

"If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you won't give up. If you give up, you're not worthy. Truth is, everyone is going to hurt you, you just have to find the ones worth suffering for."

-Bob Marley
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I think I know why Crimson held that kiss with Jax on set so long because this was really nice.

His lips were so soft, and his mouth tasted like mint. He was all bottom lip, I felt like I was eating him he was barely kissing me but it felt so good. He didn't kiss like Drew did, he didn't kiss like all he wanted to do was sleep with me, he wanted all of me in a different way. He wanted to love all of me, not my body. His arms were wrapped tightly around my waist like he was protecting me, like while I was in his arms, nothing could hurt me. Nothing.

I felt like I was in another universe kissing him. I felt like I was away from reality. I leaned up higher on my toes, hearing the quiet bugs in the plants and Jax's heart beating against mine. Eyes closed, lips tasting his, feeling his, waltzing across his. My hands clutched his suit jacket, my tether to him, my other universe. It was so peaceful and passionate and nothing mattered. It was just me and him. I didn't know how long I was kissing him, but it didn't seem to matter, I didn't want it to stop. That's what I loved about this universe, nothing mattered here. If I let go, I would have to go back to the hard universe where everyone judged and hated. Why would I want to go back there? I knew I would have to let go at some point, I would have to leave his warm embrace. But my lips ached for more, more.

He pulled away slowly and I was sucked back into reality.

He leaned his forehead against mine. "Erica...." He said my name like it breathes life into him, and he kept saying it. "Erica..."

I took a deep breath, my hands still clutching his jacket, trembling slightly. "Are you happy now?" I whisper.

It finally dawns on me what happened and I don't give him a chance to answer because I let go of him and I'm running back to the house.

I can hear him coming after me and I take off my shoes so I can run faster.

I kissed Jax.

I kissed Jax.

I have a boyfriend who loves me and I cheated, I'm not any better than Drew.

The party is still going and I pass Xavier who is flirting with a group of girls by the bar, but I don't stop. I run back through her house and out front, where the limos still wait. I locate Xavier's and rip the door open, scaring the driver.

"Take me home, please, hurry." I begged.

He started the car just as Jax burst through the front doors, looking around for me, fear in his beautiful eyes. I thought he couldn't see me, the windows were tinted too dark, but as our limo was the only was driving away he ran up to it, his hand on my window, searching for me just as we drove away. I sat up on the seat and watched as he got smaller and smaller, a tear dripping down my cheek as I watched his hands fly up to his head, his fingers raking through his hair in frustration.

On the way back, I thought about what Crimson said, Just take him. Are you blind? He's all over you. Erica, you need to open your eyes.

How long has this been going on? Did Jax tell Crimson about his longing for me? Why now?

I put my head in my hands and squeezed my eyes shut.

Reality did suck.

But reality sucked because of the reasons I escaped from it.