Point Of View 2 [*Do not read until you've read the same chapter of ATW]

Chapter 192 Free Falling

"You're letting your guard down."

"He was just the one sitting next to me. That's all, Paulie. I wasn't thinking."

"Exactly! You weren't fucking thinking!"

Whoa, Rossi. Cool it. Paul doesn't anger easily. What the hell is going on? I need to wake up. Please, God, I'm begging you. Don't do this to me! Have I not been faithful to You? Have I disappointed you? Why are you punishing me like this?

"I can't be with you sometimes! You keep me up all night with bad dreams of that guy, yet you go and rest your fucking head on his shoulder the next day? C'mon Jules. Smarten up!"

"I'm sorry I keep you up at night."  I feel Julia next to me now. She's laying next to me. "Hey, sweetie. I need you to wake up. I miss my best friend. I'm spinning out, doing reckless shit, just making stupid decisions, and I don't even know why. Nothing adds up anymore. Nothing makes sense. Reality feels fake...like I'm stuck in a bad dream I can't wake up from. I could really use my best friend right now. You were the one who always made sense when nothing else did."

She's crying. I feel her tears.

Then...Julia proceeds to tell me about the day's events. Now I understand Paul's frustrations. Between the incident in the cafeteria to the meeting with that doctor Cohen lady...And then hearing Julia was close to Jeremy? No wonder Paul is pissed.

What's it going to take for Julia to realize the man is dangerous? Whether he is getting treatment or not, the guy can not be trusted.

*****

*Trisha*

The press conference blew up the world. Nate's on an incredible publicity streak, making headlines across every news outlet, online and on TV. Like the guy hasn't been headlining the news enough lately!

I sit in the empty conference room, escaping the endless static of news blaring from TVs around the world and in this hospital, all repeating the same thing: Nate's tour is over. I know I'm hiding. I know I have a ton of things to handle right now, yet here I am, staring at my cup of tea instead of the laptop in front of me, with Evan sitting across from me, studying my face.

"Are you ok?" Evan breaks the silence, noticing that I'm not being productive at all...neither on my phone nor on my laptop. I don't tell him I'm on the verge of a fucking mental breakdown.

"If Nate isn't touring... if he's not doing any press or promos... then why would he still need me?" I don't bother looking up at Evan. "Was I ever essential? Or just convenient?"

"Ma'am?"

"God, I built my life around Nate's schedule. Early flights, frantic calls, backstage chaos, meet and greets, and travel." I ramble. "Now.... what the fuck is gonna happen now? I'm becoming obsolete. If I lose this... what else do I have? Who am I outside of Nate? I've been working this job since I was eighteen! I have no clue who I am now."

"You're Trisha Banks." 

My eyes raise to meet Evan's. 

 His voice isn't stern. It isn't sympathetic either. Just solid. I blink once and I swallow, my throat feeling raw.

You're Trisha Banks.

I want to scoff, dismiss it like a throwaway line, but something in Evan's gaze makes me hesitate.

"I used to know what that meant, who I was," I mutter, almost too low for him to hear. "Now I'm not so sure. I feel like I'm ready to have a major meltdown." I admit.

 Evan doesn't look away. "Then figure it out. You've handled far bigger meltdowns than an existential one. Just... try not to schedule it between 3 and 4. That's when the cafeteria does dessert."