Point Of View 2 [*Do not read until you've read the same chapter of ATW]

*Chapter 34 Frustrations

*James*

Nurse Ryan sees a huge difference during my PT evaluation. Ashley made the appointment for me now that I'm home. I sit in his office after my eval as he prints up some new exercises to do for me.

"How's Julia's leg doing? Is she still doing her PT exercise packet?" Ryan wheels his physicians chair over, handing Ash my paperwork.

"I wouldn't know. She's at The Avalon right now." I frown.

"Right. I thought I saw that on the news this week. How is she?" The nurse asks.

"She's getting the care she needs." I respond. I suddenly feel guilty. I've been to see Julia twice, each about an hour long before I need to leave for one reason or another. My sisters aren't too keen on bringing me to the Avalon. It's a beautiful facility but still.... a mental institution and celebrity rehab place. Not like just a normal hospital. A whole lot different than being with Julia 24/7 while on tour and I miss her. I miss everyone.

Little cues I didn't have to remind people of. Like Nate knew I couldn't buckle my seatbelt so would do it for me no questions asked. I had to remind Ashley today I couldn't do it. Just like I had to remind Kendall how I can't untwist caps yet so needed help with my water bottle. It gets tiring having to remind everyone the little things that my village already knew, and I find myself sometimes feeling depressed over it.

Nurse Ryan thinks my improvement is outstanding and says he sees me fully recovering. Dr. Giovanni reminds it takes a good year if not longer for a brain injury to heal. Especially a brain bleed, brain surgery and being in a coma. He reminds me how much I've overcome but I also know how I feel. I get frustrated easily and think maybe some counseling would benefit me. I've always been on Julia for things like this. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health/. Group therapy. Grief therapy, all of that has helped my tremendously so I really think maybe talking to a therapist would be a good idea. 

I also know some of my sisters don't feel the same way. We all had to go through years of counseling because of my asshole father. Some of us benefited from talking to a professional, others thought rehashing the past was just too difficult. Ashley, being the one who has somewhat taken the role of making all my doctor appointments seems to think it's a waste of time. But I need to bring it up to her since she IS the one who schedules everything for me.

I wait till we are in the car before bringing it up.

"Do you think you could help me find a doctor, Ash?" I ask before getting into details while she's driving me to mom's house.

"You want a new PT doctor? I thought that guy Ryan was great!"

"No, he is. I'm talking more along the lines of talk therapy." I keep my eyes on the road and purposely don't look at Ashley knowing she thinks none of that works. I'm proof that it does. I'd be a hell of a mess without therapy. But now Nate is paying for our medical, so I need to find a therapist under his plan. Plus, I think Dr. Healy, my old psychiatrist closed his practice and retired.

"You don't need therapy James. You're doing amazing."

"Ash... Can you help me, or no? I'd like to talk to someone. I've got a lot of shit going on in my head. Please."

"I guess, but you know it's a waste of time."

Yep, just like I thought. She's not on board. If I was with Trisha, she'd help me right away. 

Again, I miss my people.

*****

*Trisha*