Autistic (in the process of revision)

Anuptaphobia

*Listen to the song.*
Anuptaphobia
noun; the fear of being alone without a lover.

Justin's POV
Well, here I am. Alone and sad. I miss Autumn. I want her more than anything. It hurts that she doesn't want what I want. There is nothing I want more than to be able to call her mine. Make it official. Actually be with someone who loves me for who I am as a person, a human being. But, I suppose everything happens for a specific purpose. Maybe in some sort of twisted way, Autumn is not meant for me. It may be for the best. I don't deserve her anyway. I don't deserve someone telling me that they need me in their life. Because quite frankly, no one has told me before. Aside from mommy, but that doesn't count.

I watched the sky slowly become darker and darker. It's been over three hours and I'm here, lying on my side facing the window replaying in my mind what had happened just recently. I felt sad. Vague, simple word. But that was what I felt. I wasn't mad she didn't want to be with me. I definitely wasn't sympathetic towards her. After all, she didn't deserve sympathy. She strung me along and made me feel somewhat meaningful in this cruel, sadistic world. I recall her telling me how cute I was, and I'd just feel my face heat up. Wow. She really had me there.

As much as I hate to admit it, I love her tremendously. When I watched those sappy love movies with mommy, the ones where one of the lovers ended up being betrayed after discovering the others infidelity, I always used to roll my eyes and let out a small puff. I told myself, that didn't exist. I thought if you loved someone, they loved you back equally. You'd be happy. But what happened was truly an eye opener.

"I have come to the realization that not everyone has the same heart as you. Not everyone loves the same. Some people wouldn't do half of what you would do for them. And I guess that's okay, because if we didn't have those tragic, heartbreaking moments, we wouldn't cherish the good ones."