Autistic (in the process of revision)

Dysphoria

[So... I stumbled upon this song that I used to listen to all the time when I was younger and it made me so sad. It's called 'I'll Wait For You by Elliot Yamin] *Highly recommended you listen to this while reading*

> dysphoria <
noun; unhappiness, sadness

Justin's POV
As I walked in the room I seen a sight that I thought I'd never see in a million years. The love of my life kissing someone else. I thought she liked me and only me. I could feel the horrendous pain in my chest. The constriction. It felt like I was dying.

I tried to be as quiet as I possibly could, but my body had a different approach. Loud, constant sobs racked throughout my body making me fall to the ground. It felt as if I had no strength left. I tried to compose myself and slowly stood up. Eventually, I gained enough confidence to look up.

Autumn was currently still pinned to the wall with that nuisance pressed against her. She tried to look around him, but each time she moved, he moved. As if all of this was a game to him. Like he found entertainment in witnessing me breaking down in front of him. He knew I loved Autumn with all my heart. He knew I'd give anything and everything to be with her. He knew.

She achieved enough strength to call out. "Justin. Justin, please. It's not what it looks like. I promise. Let me explain."

That's what every liar's speech starts out with. However, I allowed her to continue. I wanted so desperately to hear what she had to say. I wanted to hear what excuse she was going to use.

She roughly pushed Noah out of the way. He wasn't really expecting it, because he stumbled back a few feet before hitting a small table and falling. I bit my bottom lip to avoid laughing. This wasn't a laughing matter. This was an adult issue.

"Justin, I was sitting here with your mom. I heard the door open, but I was assuming it was you since you had walked out beforehand. Noah was really at the door and he pushed me against the wall and kissed me against my will. Please, Justin. I am begging you. You have to believe me. I would never and I mean never do anything like that to you. Please," she broke off bawling. What she had just said made me both relieved yet heartbroken. She looked like a five year old that had just gotten reprimanded. Her tiny hands balled into fists rubbing her eyes roughly. She was so beautiful.

"Autumn, I'm not mad. Maybe I just overreacted. I seen you and him tangled up together and automatically thought the worst. Which I admit, was wrong in my part. Please forgive me." I pulled the signature puppy dog face. No one could resist that. Not even mommy.

I seen her eyes immediately soften and she started cooing at me. "Jay, of course I forgive you. You're so cute." {S'cute. Sorry had to ;)} I could tell she didn't mean for me to hear that last part, but I did. My heart sped up. A smirk sneakily made its way to my face. She thinks I'm cute! Okay, I have to calm down.

But what she said next didn't really calm me down at all.

"Justin, we can't be together. You know that. I'm your babysitter. Plus, I don't think I can go through what a relationship requires. The heartbreak, the fights, the arguments. I can't take it. I'm sorry."

My heart dropped to my ass {jk.} and I felt numb. My throat and eyes already burned from the crying I had done just recently. I don't think I could cry. I was too much in shock.

"Maybe I just got carried away. Maybe I was so in love with you, that I was blinded by the fact that you never truly cared for me. Maybe I was so in love with you, that I just assumed you loved me just as much."