Avi's POV
I sat there stunned. I didn't know what I said to make him so mad at me. He said he was starting to regret loving me. I don't even know what I did. Or maybe it's what I didn't do... I don't know. I just feel like crying. Is it bad that I think I prefer all the physical pain in the world than what he could cause me? Has caused me. Why? What did I do? Why did I even have to fall in love in the first place? Why him? I'm not going to hurt myself. I'm not going to hurt my self! Damn it Avriel Benjamin Kaplan! You will not do that! You will not cut. No! You have seen too many people cut one time too many. No! Don't! If you need the pain, find something else to do. You could just stop taking your meds. My meds! He's the whole reason why I need them. I can take the pain with out them. Just watch! I listened to my thoughts. I didn't want to permanently hurt myself by messing with my ankle but, my ribs are brusied. I could break them if I hit myself hard enough. I can't do that because then I couldn't perform. Pushing on my ribs...I could do that without anybody knowing. Try to stop me. I placed my hands on my sides, right on my rib cage. I started to push a little at first, just to see how much I could take without crying. Then, I pushed farther, harder. This is how it feels to love him. This is how it feels to love and not be loved back. This is how it feels to have your heart ripped out of your chest in a matter of seconds. I keep pushing. This is how it feels to be told that the love of you life regrets loving you. Pushing until I'm crying. Why me? Pushing until I feel myself ready to black out. Why him? One more little push and...
