When the Clock Strikes|Pi Han Ul x Reader|

(S02) Chapter 39

Ha-Ya-

Like she was a dream I conjured in the OR lounge and now she's gone and the world didn't even pause.

No one screamed loud enough. No one cried hard enough. Not the way me and seok kyung did.

I still hear her voice sometimes. Still hear her laugh echoing down the corridors. Still hear the way she used to say my name like it was a punchline to an inside joke. Like she knew something I didn't.

I miss her so much it makes me nauseous.

I press my fingers into my temples. Try to breathe. Try to-

But now I see his face.

Han Wool.

His eyes. Wet. Wide. Waiting.

The way he stood in the rain like it didn't matter.

Like I was the only thing that mattered.

And I-

God.

I left him.

I pulled my wrist from his hand.

And it broke something in both of us.

I keep replaying the moment like a film on repeat. The way his smile wavered. The way he said my name like it was the only word he knew. The way his voice cracked when he said-

You're lying.

Because I was.

I am.

I am the worst kind of liar.

I told him I was tired.

But I'm not tired.

I'm drowning.

And he was the only hand reaching for me.

And I let him go.

Because I thought-

I thought if I held on, the world would punish him, too.

The way it punished me.

The way it punished Ha-Ya.

I bend forward. Press my forehead to my knees.

Breathe in. Out. In. Out.

I told myself it was the right thing to do.

But then why does it feel like my heart is falling out of my chest?

Why do I feel like I killed something sacred?

Why do I keep seeing his soaked figure outside the hospital, eyes pleading, hands trembling?

He looked like he was breaking.

And I just-

I just walked away.

I can't cry.

I can't.

I already used up every tear.

But God, it hurts.

It hurts so much I think my body doesn't know how to carry it.

I whisper his name.

Only once.

But the sound of it shatters me.

And no one even notices.

No one sees the girl bleeding out behind her mask.

Because all they see is a doctor.

All they see is a girl who works too hard.

But not one of them knows I am breaking from the inside out.