Point Of View 2 [*Do not read until you've read the same chapter of ATW]

Chapter 133 My Everything

I think Trevor knew he spooked me a little today. Talking about Julia and how dangerous she could possibly get while in one of her episodes. Unlike Jeremy, Julia harms herself. I know Trevor just wants me to learn how to handle Julia when she spirals out of control, I just can't. Not yet. It's too hard to see Julia change like that. It's too difficult to watch her cry. And yell. And throw things. Cut herself, bleed, tear apart everything around her.

 Cry. It's too hard to watch her cry. It's a different cry. It's so excruciating and desperate like she's fighting this demon in herself that wants to take over. All Julia wants is to feel normal in her own skin. But this monster has this hold on her. This mental illness that rears its ugly head and takes over her little body. Her mind. I would rather get punched in the stomach fifty thousand times from my father than watch Julia suffer the way she does in those moments. 

Trevor could sense this was too much. I began stuttering more while reading out loud.  The doctor could tell reading some of the facts from the book was a lot for a person like me to digest, knowing full well what I've seen from Julia.

"We can end here." He closes the book and then closes his notebook. "It's difficult for you. To live with someone like Julia. Isn't it?"

"I love her. When she's Julia, I love her. She's the only one who knows how to take care of me. The only one I want to take care of me." I admit.

"Then you need to learn more about her. About the things she struggles with, James. You need to know how to deal with those waves when they hit, you know?"

I nod. I do know. But Nate has always been better at that shit than I have. I've always just let him handle it. I need to stop doing that and step up to the plate.

"Listen, once you learn more and interact with people more, it will become easier. I still think you would make an outstanding counselor here. I see the way you talk to Cara, and others. But you have to know the triggers too. What sets people off. So you know what to expect if it happens as well as steer clear from things that set them off. C'mon, lets head back."

I inhale deeply, glad the book is closed for now and ready to go back to the apartment. Paul and Julia should be back by now anyway. 

****

Once back in the apartment, Trevor goes his separate way. But Paul and Julia aren't back yet. Jonah ran out to run errands and Nate is the only one here. We don't think much of it at first. I play outside with the dog for a few minutes. Then do some of my PT exercises.

After a half hour Nate begins to pace the living room nervously.

"You definitely saw her in session though?" 

"Yeah. She was already there when Trevor and I got there. I couldn't sit next to her like usual though. Paul was on one side of her and Jeremy on the other." I explain and sit on the living room couch.

"Jeremy sat right next to Julia???"

"Yeah," I shrug. Paul was with Julia. I don't worry about Jeremy when Paul is there Usually Paul is not allowed to go to these sessions, but this one was an "open session". Family members were invited to join because it was talking about how you can help the ones you love that have addiction. It's one of the rare times Paul..or anyone... is allowed to sit in.

"Paul was watching him from the other side but really, both Julia and Jeremy looked on edge. And that Dr. Cohen lady sat right behind Julia. She didn't take her eyes off her."

Nate stops pacing and I can tell his mind is going a million miles an hour now. But that stops immediately when the Avalon door unlocks and swings open.